Saturday, March 18, 2006

Hard Looking

How do you deal with seeing very pregnant women? There is a water aerobics class for pregnant women at the Y and it always seems to be going on when I am there. Usually there is just one woman who looks to be somewhere around 7 months. Today she was joined by another who looked about ready to pop.

On the one hand, I really want to feel happy for these women. Who knows that they haven't had losses in the past? Who knows that they haven't struggled for years to be finally carrying this precious burden.

On the other hand, I just can't bear to look at them. It just reminds me of all the hopes I've lost and it sucks. I don't know if I can ever enjoy looking at pregnant women again. I don't even know if I'll ever enjoy looking at myself pregnant again.

Did anyone think to tell Mr. Universe that infertility and loss royally suck?


Lorem ipsum said...

I stare at them. And then I hope they wonder why I stare. I know it's making them uncomfortable.

I'm past thinking, 'Maybe they had three miscarriages or a lot of trouble getting pregnant.' Not my problem. The problem is, they're pregnant and I'm not.

cat said...

I have a hard time looking too and ironically I'm finally that woman. It's hard to even look at myself sometimes.

Yes, infertility does royaly suck ass... totally and completely.