Well, the only one who responded to my freebies post saying they could use my pee sticks was Lisa at More Than My Share. So Lisa, email me (address over there at the right) and I'll get these out to you!
I was feeling a little better yesterday and some of today but not this evening. I've been on the waiting list at the library for several months now for the first season of The Gilmore Girls and I finally got it on Friday. So I've been on a Gilmore Girl fest. I have 6 days to watch 30 episodes. I'll probably get close to finishing it but then I think I'll be Gilmored-out for a while!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
8w4d: Still Here
Yesterday was another rough one. It's like a chicken and the egg thing: does the nausea build and I subconsciouly let G push my buttons because I know it's coming? Or does she push my buttons which triggers the nausea? At any rate, seems like my worst days revolve around her worst days. The funny thing is (knock on wood) every morning I manage to wake up feeling just fine at the start of the day. Knock on wood. I don't know how well I'd make it if I didn't get that little break.
Last night my good friend JE called, all excited. She has been working as a Labor & Delivery nurse at the local hospital for several weeks now and scoping out my choices for delivery. They are pretty limited: 4 OBs and 1 midwife. At first she told me the new OB guy was the best, but after much thought I decided I just wouldn't do well with a male if there were other alternatives (yeah, I've got issues!). So it was down to the female OB who diagnosed my septum and the midwife. I wrote about my issues with the midwife earlier this year in the midst of my second m/c. But I really didn't have enough information about her to make an informed decision. Yesterday JE got to be the nurse with the midwife and she couldn't stop talking about how great the midwife was. She said most definitely that I should make an appointment with her and seriously consider her. It was such a relief to hear that. I really, really want another midwife delivery. Hopefully things will continue to go smooth and I'll get it.
JE also told me that this couple with the midwife also had a doula assisting. I never really considered a doula with G since I was using a midwife. But I can see the value in it, especially since, with just one midwife, there's a slightly higher chance that I'd end up having to be delivered by someone else. Plus, you can never have too many people on your side. In retrospect, I probably would have benefitted from one with G's delivery. So I am planning to contact this doula too and scope her out.
I think I will wait till after the next ultrasound to call the midwife for an appointment.
Last night my good friend JE called, all excited. She has been working as a Labor & Delivery nurse at the local hospital for several weeks now and scoping out my choices for delivery. They are pretty limited: 4 OBs and 1 midwife. At first she told me the new OB guy was the best, but after much thought I decided I just wouldn't do well with a male if there were other alternatives (yeah, I've got issues!). So it was down to the female OB who diagnosed my septum and the midwife. I wrote about my issues with the midwife earlier this year in the midst of my second m/c. But I really didn't have enough information about her to make an informed decision. Yesterday JE got to be the nurse with the midwife and she couldn't stop talking about how great the midwife was. She said most definitely that I should make an appointment with her and seriously consider her. It was such a relief to hear that. I really, really want another midwife delivery. Hopefully things will continue to go smooth and I'll get it.
JE also told me that this couple with the midwife also had a doula assisting. I never really considered a doula with G since I was using a midwife. But I can see the value in it, especially since, with just one midwife, there's a slightly higher chance that I'd end up having to be delivered by someone else. Plus, you can never have too many people on your side. In retrospect, I probably would have benefitted from one with G's delivery. So I am planning to contact this doula too and scope her out.
I think I will wait till after the next ultrasound to call the midwife for an appointment.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Ultrasound Pic
It looked better on the machine but this is the best printout. On the machine you could clearly make out the beginnings of little arms and legs.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Helpful Link
It took me a while to google the right search terms to come up with this, so I thought I would list it here for helpful info. This table (about halfway down the page) shows what the Crown To Rump Length should be at different gestations. My measurement today (at 8w2d) was 18.2mm which is exactly where it should be! My first ultrasound was at 7w0d and I measured 11mm which was also right on target.
8w2d: Ultrasound #2
Thanks so much for all your encouraging comments about the ultrasound! It went great and everything still looks great. When I saw the little heart beating away, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding! The baby measured 18.2mm, up from 11mm. After the ultrasound I realized that all the other ultrasounds I've had in the past always put days and weeks to the measurements but either this machine or this doc doesn't do that. So I'm taking his word for it that that's good growth. He tried to get rid of me again and I told him I needed one more ultrasound. I could tell he was somewhat put out at that. I think it wasn't so much at having to see me again. I think his vanity was offended! I mean, he told me that I was all patched up and that the baby is looking great but that apparantly is not good enough for me! I told him he might have fixed me down here (pointing to my uterus) but not up there (pointing to my head). I don't care much for his bedside manner but I'll put up with it one more time. I've got pictures but can't get to the scanner just now as I'm doing my progesterone (only 2 weeks to go on that!). One neat thing on this ultrasound was that he flicked a switched that showed blue and red to indicate blood flow. You could see the baby's heart all lit up (which we saw last time), but this time you could also clearly see the umbilical cord and placenta lit up.
Things are looking good. I'm encouraged. It won't be too awfully long before I brave my closet to pull out my maternity pants. I'm starting to think about whether I want to go back to the OB who diagnosed my septum or try out the midwife. I don't know how long the optimism will last but for now it feels awfully good.
Things are looking good. I'm encouraged. It won't be too awfully long before I brave my closet to pull out my maternity pants. I'm starting to think about whether I want to go back to the OB who diagnosed my septum or try out the midwife. I don't know how long the optimism will last but for now it feels awfully good.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
8w1d: It's Backkkkkkk!
Nausea is back with a vengance. Not sure whether I should dance or cry. Never thought I'd feel relief at feeling so sick again.
23 hours till the ultrasound.
Note: freebies ahead!
Ever since I got my BFP, I've been looking at the leftover OPKs and HPTs in my cabinet, wondering what to do with them. I've been telling a lot of people that, regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy, that's it. Either it works and we get another baby, or it doesn't and my childbearing days are over. Now I've decided to put my money where my mouth is, or something like that. I've decided to give away the OPKs and HPTs! There are 25 OPKs from babywishes and they expire in 03/2008. There are 3 Dollar Tree HPTs and they expire in 05/2008. So plenty of time to use all of them. But I want them to go to someone else in the journey who can put them to use. All you need to do is leave a comment for this post, indicating whether you can use the OPKs, the HPTs, or both. Even if you've been lurking and never left a comment, just go ahead and leave one. Like I said, I want these to go to someone who can use them in their journey. On Saturday I'll draw a random winner and send these out, no string attached!
23 hours till the ultrasound.
Note: freebies ahead!
Ever since I got my BFP, I've been looking at the leftover OPKs and HPTs in my cabinet, wondering what to do with them. I've been telling a lot of people that, regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy, that's it. Either it works and we get another baby, or it doesn't and my childbearing days are over. Now I've decided to put my money where my mouth is, or something like that. I've decided to give away the OPKs and HPTs! There are 25 OPKs from babywishes and they expire in 03/2008. There are 3 Dollar Tree HPTs and they expire in 05/2008. So plenty of time to use all of them. But I want them to go to someone else in the journey who can put them to use. All you need to do is leave a comment for this post, indicating whether you can use the OPKs, the HPTs, or both. Even if you've been lurking and never left a comment, just go ahead and leave one. Like I said, I want these to go to someone who can use them in their journey. On Saturday I'll draw a random winner and send these out, no string attached!
8w1d.... Maybe?
Last night, for the first time in weeks, I craved sweets. I had some chocolate chip cookies and milk and didn't feel sick afterwards. In fact, I haven't felt nauseous in almost 24 hours. This morning, I pooped right on my usual schedule (you really needed to know that, I know). I didn't get up as many times to pee last night. I'm getting a bad feeling about tomorrow's ultrasound. Did I mention that I hate being on this roller coaster?
Monday, September 25, 2006
Just Can't Win
I didn't feel quite as bad today. Or, as I told my hubby, I did more today than the last few days and didn't feel any the worse for it. It's all relative! Of course, any decrease in symptoms brings about the inevitable questions as to why they're decreasing. Even though everything you read says that symptoms can come and go on a daily basis. So, you just can't win. But at least my kitchen floor is the cleanest it's been in weeks!
8 Weeks
Really, there's not much new to write. The nausea and constipation continues. I discovered this weekend that laying down a lot helps a little with the nausea so I spent almost the entire weekend in bed. My house looks like a tornada hit it; I haven't picked up anything but basic chores in the kitchen for days now. This morning I felt well enough to go out and run some errands while J took G out to the park. She's been such a good little trooper; she takes care of me by bringing me blankets and smothering me with stuffed animals. We sit and read a lot of books and do a lot of puzzles. Did you know that morning sickness can continue to 16 weeks of pregnancy and beyond? I'm too afraid to even contemplate that fact right now.
We have another ultrasound Wednesday evening. Of course, I'm already getting worked up about it. If I go another 10 days after this one, that will put me right at 10 weeks. I haven't decided yet if that will do me or if I'll ask for one more. Probably the latter but I still have time to think about it I suppose.
I wish I had more interesting stuff to report. Only 52 hours till the next ultrasound!
We have another ultrasound Wednesday evening. Of course, I'm already getting worked up about it. If I go another 10 days after this one, that will put me right at 10 weeks. I haven't decided yet if that will do me or if I'll ask for one more. Probably the latter but I still have time to think about it I suppose.
I wish I had more interesting stuff to report. Only 52 hours till the next ultrasound!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
7w5d: Things Get Rough
Yesterday was rough. I'm so glad it's over. I've been drinking Coke for about a week now to help with the nausea but I finally had to admit that the caffeine in it was really adversely affecting my sleep. So I went cold turkey yesterday after I found some caffeine-free coke at the grocery store. By evening the nausea was so bad I just wanted to die. By the time I got Gracie to bed I was just dry-heaving because there was absolutely nothing left in my body to heave. But, I was in bed by 10pm and asleep soon after that and I actually got some restful sleep. I was able to stay in bed until almost 9 this morning. Sometime between my 3am bathroom run and the 6:30 run, my nausea just seemed to have disappeared. I feel a little unsteady on my feet today and I can feel the nausea lying in wait for later, but I'm crossing my fingers that today won't be so bad.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
7w3d
I went to the bathroom this evening and, as always, first examined my pad to see what's there. I've grown accustomed to some discharge a couple of hours after the progesterone. It's usually hard for me to tell what color it is since my pads are cotton and off-white in color. This time, though I looked and just knew it was darker than normal. I sat there for the longest time before I'd let the pee come out and then an even longer time before I could bring myself to wipe. When I finally looked, all I could see was a blob and my head told my heart and the rest of me that it was a blood clot and that what I had anticipated since my BFP had finally started and who could be surprised? When I finally calmed down a bit (which took longer than I would like to admit) I realized that the blob was only pink and was just some of the outer shell of the progesterone pill. It doesn't often come out in a big piece like that which is what caught me off guard. Other than that, there was just some of the pink progesterone residue. No blood. No clots. Not this time anyway. I can already feel myself descending into a deep dark pit of a hole that can only be climbed out of in an ultrasound room. I hate, hate, hate feeling this way.
It doesn't help one bit that I am reading a book on post-partum and maternal depression (which I'll post more about later, once I'm done) and I see myself in every page, in every description of what depression is. It has moved me to tears several times and I'm only still in the first chapter. I realize in an out-of-body-experience sort of way that I am clinically depressed. Chalk it up to caring for a toddler all day, or chalk it up to raging hormones. But there it is: I'm depressed. I'm doing a lot of soul-searching right now as to whether or not I should seek help. I realize now that I had a mild case of post-partum depression that lasted almost a year. It scares me to think of going through that again. But taking drugs while pregnant or nursing scares me almost as much. Right now I feel like I'm in a very deep, deep well with slippery sides and no hand-holds. No way out. Just darkness.
It's going to be a long 6 days till my next ultrasound.
It doesn't help one bit that I am reading a book on post-partum and maternal depression (which I'll post more about later, once I'm done) and I see myself in every page, in every description of what depression is. It has moved me to tears several times and I'm only still in the first chapter. I realize in an out-of-body-experience sort of way that I am clinically depressed. Chalk it up to caring for a toddler all day, or chalk it up to raging hormones. But there it is: I'm depressed. I'm doing a lot of soul-searching right now as to whether or not I should seek help. I realize now that I had a mild case of post-partum depression that lasted almost a year. It scares me to think of going through that again. But taking drugs while pregnant or nursing scares me almost as much. Right now I feel like I'm in a very deep, deep well with slippery sides and no hand-holds. No way out. Just darkness.
It's going to be a long 6 days till my next ultrasound.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
7w1d: Where did the time go?!
I can't help obsessing over how high my HCG levels were for the given DPOs. Now that there's no second baby to account for things, I've found myself staring at the calendar. If you recall, I got a positive OPK on a Monday but no temp rise until Wednesday. Given my hormone levels and the current size of the baby, I've decided that in all likelihood I ovulated sometime that Monday and my temps were just slow to catch up. By pushing ovulation back by two days, my hormone levels are still slightly higher than the range in the charts, but not nearly as high as they were. Which makes me feel just a little bit better. So in the space of a few minutes, I jumped from being 6w6d to being 7w1d. Which also makes me feel better since my second m/c bleeding started at 6w6d.
Why do a few days matter so much? I don't know; it's really hard to explain. Mostly, ever since I read that high HCG can be a marker for Down's, it's concerned me. It can also be a marker for a molar pregnancy but thankfully we've ruled that out! The third thing it can indicate is a girl which would please me greatly.
My nausea has been so much better today. I've noticed the last few days that I never really feel full; I always feel right on the verge of being hungry. I haven't been as good today about eating regularly so I assume the worst of it this weekend was stress over the ultrasound. Which makes next week's ultrasound a double-edged sword! Hopefully I won't get quite as stressed about that one. But I know that seeing a heartbeat doesn't really guarantee anything when one has a defective uterus. Or had. Supposedly patched up now but who knows for sure.
Today I allowed myself to get my pregnancy books out. With my first pregnancy I had The Pregnancy Journal: A Day-to-Day Guide to a Healthy and Happy Pregnancy and Your Pregnancy Week by Week. I especially liked the journal as it told you what was happening day by day. When I got pregnant the second time, I eagerly dug it out of the box and started filling in my dates. How sad to look at it today where it so abrubtly ended. When I got pregnant the third time, I still thought the first m/c was just a fluke, so I got it out again, although I didn't write in any dates. How stupid I felt when I miscarried that one and discovered that there was really no baby and all the development things I had been reading about didn't really apply. So, as you can imagine, I've resisted getting these books out this time around. But today, J took G to the park for a while and I had some time, so I got them out and caught up in the journal on the baby's development. I still read it with some trepidation but it also gives me some hope as well.
Why do a few days matter so much? I don't know; it's really hard to explain. Mostly, ever since I read that high HCG can be a marker for Down's, it's concerned me. It can also be a marker for a molar pregnancy but thankfully we've ruled that out! The third thing it can indicate is a girl which would please me greatly.
My nausea has been so much better today. I've noticed the last few days that I never really feel full; I always feel right on the verge of being hungry. I haven't been as good today about eating regularly so I assume the worst of it this weekend was stress over the ultrasound. Which makes next week's ultrasound a double-edged sword! Hopefully I won't get quite as stressed about that one. But I know that seeing a heartbeat doesn't really guarantee anything when one has a defective uterus. Or had. Supposedly patched up now but who knows for sure.
Today I allowed myself to get my pregnancy books out. With my first pregnancy I had The Pregnancy Journal: A Day-to-Day Guide to a Healthy and Happy Pregnancy and Your Pregnancy Week by Week. I especially liked the journal as it told you what was happening day by day. When I got pregnant the second time, I eagerly dug it out of the box and started filling in my dates. How sad to look at it today where it so abrubtly ended. When I got pregnant the third time, I still thought the first m/c was just a fluke, so I got it out again, although I didn't write in any dates. How stupid I felt when I miscarried that one and discovered that there was really no baby and all the development things I had been reading about didn't really apply. So, as you can imagine, I've resisted getting these books out this time around. But today, J took G to the park for a while and I had some time, so I got them out and caught up in the journal on the baby's development. I still read it with some trepidation but it also gives me some hope as well.
Monday, September 18, 2006
6w5d: Ultrasound
There's only one and we saw and heard a very strong heartbeat! That's the important information. I forgot to ask what the heartbeat was in the excitement of actually hearing it.
None of the pictures I got shows very much. I like this one because it shows the heartbeat. In the center you can see the baby and the circle to the right of it is the yolk sac. The baby is 11mm.
My next ultrasound is scheduled for next week Wednesday. He didn't have any problem scheduling another one but he kept saying that everthing is looking great.
I'm feeling relieved. It's amazing how much better my nausea has been today. Could be because I've been eating all day. Could be because a huge source of stress has been lifted. There's still the fact that my hormone levels were very high from the start and that will continue to reside in the back of my brain but overall I feel so much better knowing that things, at least for the moment, look really good.
None of the pictures I got shows very much. I like this one because it shows the heartbeat. In the center you can see the baby and the circle to the right of it is the yolk sac. The baby is 11mm.
My next ultrasound is scheduled for next week Wednesday. He didn't have any problem scheduling another one but he kept saying that everthing is looking great.
I'm feeling relieved. It's amazing how much better my nausea has been today. Could be because I've been eating all day. Could be because a huge source of stress has been lifted. There's still the fact that my hormone levels were very high from the start and that will continue to reside in the back of my brain but overall I feel so much better knowing that things, at least for the moment, look really good.
6w5d Change of Tactics
Sorry about that last post. I started to delete it, but then decided to leave it there in all its whiny glory. Last night I consulted Dr. Google and found that both stress and fatique make morning sickness worse. Don't know that I can do anything about the stress although that might get better after this afternoon. I will try to get more rest. And I'll try eating every 2 hours or so and see if that helps. Thanks for all y'all's support!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
6w4d: Looking Ahead
Tonight I allowed myself to do something for the first time in this pregnancy: look ahead on the calendar. Sure, I've thought vaguely and generally about things happening in the future. But tonight my Mom said they'd like to come visit towards the end of October and I actually looked at the calendar and counted weeks. To my surprise, the end of October will put me at 12 weeks, the magical end of the first trimester. It seems like so far away; on the other hand, it's just the end of next month. And we're already over halfway through this one.
I've found myself playing a lot of mind games today. The nausea has been at its worst today and I'm not finding anything tonight that I can actually keep down. Okay, I'm officially complaining about it today. No matter how much I want this baby, there is no way around the fact that feeling bad all the time just plain sucks.
J gets home late tonight and I'm hoping he'll be able to take G off my hands for a while tomorrow. You know: so I can just focus on being miserable all by myself!
16 hours till the ultrasound.
I've found myself playing a lot of mind games today. The nausea has been at its worst today and I'm not finding anything tonight that I can actually keep down. Okay, I'm officially complaining about it today. No matter how much I want this baby, there is no way around the fact that feeling bad all the time just plain sucks.
J gets home late tonight and I'm hoping he'll be able to take G off my hands for a while tomorrow. You know: so I can just focus on being miserable all by myself!
16 hours till the ultrasound.
God
It being a Sunday, it seems like a good day to muse about.... God.
Last night I watched some of what has to be one of my favorite films: The Awakening Land starring Elizabeth Montgomery and based on the trilogy of books by Conrad Richter. If you can find the show on TV, I would highly recommend watching it, although beware that it is 6 hours in length! The first time I found it I was flipping channels and came across the opening credits. I got so into it that I sat there and watched the whole 6 hours, commercial free, of it! The books are excellent as well and the movie is very closely based on them. Basically the movie is about a family who moves into the Ohio Valley in the late 1700s and builds a life and thriving town there.
In one of the early scenes that I watched last night, a man receives a letter that his entire family (wife and 4 small boys) have drowned on the way trying to join him. Montgomery's characters reacts by saying something to the effect of "sweet God, have mercy" (I wish I could remember the exact quote but I can't find it!). Another character, cast as an atheist, says to the effect "the question is not whether God should have mercy but why he should allow this torture to happen in the first place". It struck me that their interaction rather sums up the 2 major ways that people react to trials and tribulations.
Some people see bad things happen and immediately look to God for help in dealing with it. I admire these people. I have lots of them in my life. I suppose I used to be this type.
Other people (I'm speaking of myself here!) see bad things happen and wonder why God could have allowed it to happen in the first place. I take no comfort in the fact that everyone tells me that my dead babies are in heaven with God and with people who love them. I want to know why God took them away from me in the first place.
I wish I could sum up this post with a deep, meaningful lesson to take away. I can't. I'm still at the point of asking why God allows bad things to happen. I'm still angry at him for it. Even with this new life (possibly) growing inside of me, I'm still angry about the loss of what could have been.
In other news, I continue to be nauseous all the time. I know that the secret is to keep my stomach full but it's a vicious cycle: I get hungry and then I don't feel like I want to eat anything. All the things that appealed to me at the grocery store are terrible: turkey & cheese lunchables, red baron pizza, chips. And the worst of all: Coke which is about the only liquid I can hold down right now. Someone wake me up when this is all over and I've lost the 70 pounds I'm sure to gain in the very near future!
Only 28 hours till the ultrsound!
Last night I watched some of what has to be one of my favorite films: The Awakening Land starring Elizabeth Montgomery and based on the trilogy of books by Conrad Richter. If you can find the show on TV, I would highly recommend watching it, although beware that it is 6 hours in length! The first time I found it I was flipping channels and came across the opening credits. I got so into it that I sat there and watched the whole 6 hours, commercial free, of it! The books are excellent as well and the movie is very closely based on them. Basically the movie is about a family who moves into the Ohio Valley in the late 1700s and builds a life and thriving town there.
In one of the early scenes that I watched last night, a man receives a letter that his entire family (wife and 4 small boys) have drowned on the way trying to join him. Montgomery's characters reacts by saying something to the effect of "sweet God, have mercy" (I wish I could remember the exact quote but I can't find it!). Another character, cast as an atheist, says to the effect "the question is not whether God should have mercy but why he should allow this torture to happen in the first place". It struck me that their interaction rather sums up the 2 major ways that people react to trials and tribulations.
Some people see bad things happen and immediately look to God for help in dealing with it. I admire these people. I have lots of them in my life. I suppose I used to be this type.
Other people (I'm speaking of myself here!) see bad things happen and wonder why God could have allowed it to happen in the first place. I take no comfort in the fact that everyone tells me that my dead babies are in heaven with God and with people who love them. I want to know why God took them away from me in the first place.
I wish I could sum up this post with a deep, meaningful lesson to take away. I can't. I'm still at the point of asking why God allows bad things to happen. I'm still angry at him for it. Even with this new life (possibly) growing inside of me, I'm still angry about the loss of what could have been.
In other news, I continue to be nauseous all the time. I know that the secret is to keep my stomach full but it's a vicious cycle: I get hungry and then I don't feel like I want to eat anything. All the things that appealed to me at the grocery store are terrible: turkey & cheese lunchables, red baron pizza, chips. And the worst of all: Coke which is about the only liquid I can hold down right now. Someone wake me up when this is all over and I've lost the 70 pounds I'm sure to gain in the very near future!
Only 28 hours till the ultrsound!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
6w3d: Better Today
I spent most of last night feeling pretty yucky. But I woke up this morning hungry as a bear which is usually a sure sign for me that I had some bad food. Of course, now I'm obsessing over how this might have affected the baby. Good thing it's only 48 hours until the ultrasound!
We survived the zoo this morning. G was braver than me and touched both the bearded dragon and the snake. I ventured to touch the bunny but that was my limit. Of course she feel asleep for 15 minutes in the car on the way home and is now wide awake and running around her room upstairs. I keep hoping she'll just lay down and fall asleep. It's looking like an early bedtime tonight. No complaints here!
We survived the zoo this morning. G was braver than me and touched both the bearded dragon and the snake. I ventured to touch the bunny but that was my limit. Of course she feel asleep for 15 minutes in the car on the way home and is now wide awake and running around her room upstairs. I keep hoping she'll just lay down and fall asleep. It's looking like an early bedtime tonight. No complaints here!
Friday, September 15, 2006
Duh
I went to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few things. As soon as I got into the produce department I had this sudden, overwhelming craving for spinach. I must have circled that thing 3 or 4 times (thank goodness it's not very large) and I just couldn't figure out where they'd moved it to. They didn't even have fresh bunched spinach. I finally decided that some spinach blight must have taken out the entire west-coast crop and that my craving would go unfilled. Imagine my shock when I finally got on the computer and realized that there is a recall on all the spinach for E-coli!
Speaking of which, I think my bout this morning may have been bad food more so than morning sickness. We'll see if we have a repeat of it tomorrow but I am feeling 100% better this evening and I've had plenty of bouts of food poisoning to compare it to!
I haven't made many movie recommendations of late. Haven't really watched a whole lot and the ones we did get all seemed to be the low end of the scale. But last night I finally got around to watching Born Into Brothels. Awesome film! It will tug at your heartstrings but it is so worth watching.
My other recommendation for tonight (and them I'm going to bed!) is a magazine called Wondertime. I was intrigued by the cover and picked it up recently and I'll have to say that I really enjoyed reading it. So much so that I've decided to subscribe and it takes a lot to make it on to my subscription list! You can sign up to get a free issue and I would really encourage it if you have kids.
We're supposed to attend a "class" at the zoo tomorrow. I know that G would/will really love it but I'm still up in the air about it. This morning I didn't start feeling sick until about 11 which would be right at the end of the class. I'm just worried I'll get sick there with her or in the car. I guess I can be prepared with a puke bag. I'll see which way the wind is blowing tomorrow.
Speaking of which, I think my bout this morning may have been bad food more so than morning sickness. We'll see if we have a repeat of it tomorrow but I am feeling 100% better this evening and I've had plenty of bouts of food poisoning to compare it to!
I haven't made many movie recommendations of late. Haven't really watched a whole lot and the ones we did get all seemed to be the low end of the scale. But last night I finally got around to watching Born Into Brothels. Awesome film! It will tug at your heartstrings but it is so worth watching.
My other recommendation for tonight (and them I'm going to bed!) is a magazine called Wondertime. I was intrigued by the cover and picked it up recently and I'll have to say that I really enjoyed reading it. So much so that I've decided to subscribe and it takes a lot to make it on to my subscription list! You can sign up to get a free issue and I would really encourage it if you have kids.
We're supposed to attend a "class" at the zoo tomorrow. I know that G would/will really love it but I'm still up in the air about it. This morning I didn't start feeling sick until about 11 which would be right at the end of the class. I'm just worried I'll get sick there with her or in the car. I guess I can be prepared with a puke bag. I'll see which way the wind is blowing tomorrow.
6w2d
Conversation in the car this morning:
Me: Okay, we're almost home. Now, when we get there, I want you to hop out and run inside as fast as you can because Mommy's feeling sick.
G: I don't want you to be sick Mommy.
Me: I don't want to either!
But sick I am. I've traded the clogged plumbing problem for one of a different nature. Plus I'm nauseous pretty much 24 hours a day. I was telling my best friend this yesterday and she kept exclaiming "That's great"! I told her she wasn't really helping. Although I am, if not happy over this turn of events, at least at peace with it because I know I didn't have it this bad the last 2 pregnancies.
Only 74 more hours till my first ultrasound! Where did this week go?!
Me: Okay, we're almost home. Now, when we get there, I want you to hop out and run inside as fast as you can because Mommy's feeling sick.
G: I don't want you to be sick Mommy.
Me: I don't want to either!
But sick I am. I've traded the clogged plumbing problem for one of a different nature. Plus I'm nauseous pretty much 24 hours a day. I was telling my best friend this yesterday and she kept exclaiming "That's great"! I told her she wasn't really helping. Although I am, if not happy over this turn of events, at least at peace with it because I know I didn't have it this bad the last 2 pregnancies.
Only 74 more hours till my first ultrasound! Where did this week go?!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I've Decided
Yep, I've made a major decision in the midst of all these hormones. Whether or not this pregnancy works out, this is the end of the road. If it does work out, I'll be happy of course. If it doesn't work out, I'll be content to never have to live through the Terrible Twos again. Ever. Even that will be too soon.
I figured out early on that my daughter was going to be "strong-willed". I try my best to take her in hand and make her do what I want her to do. But what do you do with a 2 1/2 year old when you have a conversation like this:
Me: If you do that again I'm going to spank you.
Her: [does it again while looking me in the eye]
Me: What did I say I was going to do if you did that again?
Her: Give me a spanking [as she bends over and pulls her pants down]
I think it's like a game to her. So today I took her to the Y as usual and tried to drop her off at the Playzone for babysitting while I exercised. She was just not having. I coaxed and cajolled and did everything I could think of. She was not letting go of my leg while screaming at the top of her lungs "I don't want to stay here". Well, what could I do? My mother forced me to stay in a place against my similar protests and it screwed my life up forever and I vowed never to do that to my child. So we turned around and went home. Of course, she cried all the way there that she wanted to go play at the Y.
It's enough to make a sane woman break down and cry. It's enough to make a pregnant, insane one go off the deep end.
I figured out early on that my daughter was going to be "strong-willed". I try my best to take her in hand and make her do what I want her to do. But what do you do with a 2 1/2 year old when you have a conversation like this:
Me: If you do that again I'm going to spank you.
Her: [does it again while looking me in the eye]
Me: What did I say I was going to do if you did that again?
Her: Give me a spanking [as she bends over and pulls her pants down]
I think it's like a game to her. So today I took her to the Y as usual and tried to drop her off at the Playzone for babysitting while I exercised. She was just not having. I coaxed and cajolled and did everything I could think of. She was not letting go of my leg while screaming at the top of her lungs "I don't want to stay here". Well, what could I do? My mother forced me to stay in a place against my similar protests and it screwed my life up forever and I vowed never to do that to my child. So we turned around and went home. Of course, she cried all the way there that she wanted to go play at the Y.
It's enough to make a sane woman break down and cry. It's enough to make a pregnant, insane one go off the deep end.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
6 Weeks
Yesterday I read back over the postings of my last m/c in January and February of this year. It was so depressing to see how optimistic I was. I started spotting with that one at 6w6d. With my first m/c I made it all the way to 8w2d. I know it sounds rather pessimistic to be comparing dates like this but I can't help myself. I think the next 2 or 3 weeks will be the hardest for me. Fortunately I've got an ultrasound next Monday (in only 5 days!) to help get me through it. I'm going to hold my ground and get another one at 8 weeks. In the meantime, you can bet I'll be holding my breath every single time I wipe. Which is a lot these days.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
5w6d
What in the world did our mothers do without constant access to Dr. Google??? Sometimes it's a blessing. Most times, though, I suspect it's a curse for us. For instance, did you know that abnormally high levels of HCG can indicate a molar pregnancy? Those same high levels can also be a marker for Down's. Yes, thank you Dr. Google; I feel so much more reassured now knowing that it's not written in stone that I'm carrying multiples. Well, on the flip side, they can also indicate that it's a girl. Yes, I know: step away from the computer.
Since I had problems with gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy (not anything that had to be controlled; it just made me have to do the second 3 hour blood test) I'm determined to be better about my sugar intake this time around. I guess the peanut butter M&Ms don't qualify but, hey, they're staying down! Anyway, I came across Sierra Mist Free in the store today. I don't normally like diet sodas but I'll have to say this one is pretty good. It's sweetened with Aspartame which I know is controversial to some. But right now I think it's better than the large amounts of high fructose corn syrup in ginger ale.
Since I had problems with gestational diabetes in my first pregnancy (not anything that had to be controlled; it just made me have to do the second 3 hour blood test) I'm determined to be better about my sugar intake this time around. I guess the peanut butter M&Ms don't qualify but, hey, they're staying down! Anyway, I came across Sierra Mist Free in the store today. I don't normally like diet sodas but I'll have to say this one is pretty good. It's sweetened with Aspartame which I know is controversial to some. But right now I think it's better than the large amounts of high fructose corn syrup in ginger ale.
Monday, September 11, 2006
5w5d
There's just not a whole lot to write about these days. Every day has taken on a sameness: I'm nauseous most of the day off and on. I'm constipated. The cramping continues to plague me. One day I decided to see if copious amounts of water during the day would help. I drank almost a gallon of water and I still had the cramping, although perhaps just a little less. So I'm trying to drink more water. Except that I've entered a phase that I vividly remember from being pregnant the first time around: I can't stomach the taste of water! How can you not like the taste of water?! I have no idea except that I just can't drink it for some reason. Ginger ale is about the only thing I can get down although I have also been forcing down apple juice (not that it or the apple sauce has helped!).
Okay, did that just sound like a complaint-fest? Because I can assure you, I am not complaining! I'm glad for the symptoms. Alright, alright, I am complaining just a little about the cramping because it's the thing that keeps me in a dither about the viability of this pregnancy. It's just the "unknown" right now and we all know how much I hate the unknown. But while I'm listing symptoms, I'll throw in tender boobs and bloating like you wouldn't believe. The boobs are also getting a bit bigger. And just today my belly started to itch.
I was trying to catch up on some of blog reading today and surfed over to Going It Alone. She just had her almost-10-week scan and the babies look great. Both of them. So I thought: I remember her listing some of her betas; I wonder what they were. Her 16dpo beta was 503. Mine? 955. Her 20dpo beta was 2652. My 22 dpo was 8602. Okay, just for the record, I'm getting really scared now having read that.
In other news, my little girl made the potty 3 out of 3 times this afternoon. I guess we are the way to potty training. Of course, this is the interval of time when it is *so* much more work because I have to be constantly asking "do you need to potty" and this morning there was an accident to clean up. But there's no turning back now.
Okay, did that just sound like a complaint-fest? Because I can assure you, I am not complaining! I'm glad for the symptoms. Alright, alright, I am complaining just a little about the cramping because it's the thing that keeps me in a dither about the viability of this pregnancy. It's just the "unknown" right now and we all know how much I hate the unknown. But while I'm listing symptoms, I'll throw in tender boobs and bloating like you wouldn't believe. The boobs are also getting a bit bigger. And just today my belly started to itch.
I was trying to catch up on some of blog reading today and surfed over to Going It Alone. She just had her almost-10-week scan and the babies look great. Both of them. So I thought: I remember her listing some of her betas; I wonder what they were. Her 16dpo beta was 503. Mine? 955. Her 20dpo beta was 2652. My 22 dpo was 8602. Okay, just for the record, I'm getting really scared now having read that.
In other news, my little girl made the potty 3 out of 3 times this afternoon. I guess we are the way to potty training. Of course, this is the interval of time when it is *so* much more work because I have to be constantly asking "do you need to potty" and this morning there was an accident to clean up. But there's no turning back now.
Friday, September 08, 2006
5w2d
Did I just say yesterday I wasn't having any symptoms?!! I remember with G: I got an early positive but didn't have any symptoms. After a while I actually started praying for some nausea or something! Sure enough, right at 6 weeks I started getting afternoon sickness but nothing really bad. Of course, this time around I've been on symptom-watch as well and the nausea finally showed up today. Gee, I could have done without that particular symptom. Things have also definitely slowed down in the plumbing department today. According to Dr. Google that's a result of increased progesterone. So hopefully those suppositories are doing some good. So now I've got the dilema of needing to drink some apple juice but there is no way in creation that that stuff is going to pass my lips at the moment. I also really need to make dinner but the thought of that just brings tears to my eyes as well. Tears because those symptoms have finally shown up. And I'm relishing every moment of them. Really I am.
I was surfing today to see when you can expect to see the heartbeat on an ultrasound. Seems like 6.5 weeks is a common point but I'm not going to hold my breath given my retroverted uterus. Anyway, I came across one web page where you could ask questions of an ultrasound tech and she said sometimes she will have patients with inconclusive ultrasounds that need to wait a week for the next one. She said she always tells them that there's nothing to be done but wait and that they should enjoy every moment they can with their baby. Maybe the next ultrasound will be bad news but they've got the baby for now. I'm really trying to find encouragement in that. My last pregnancy was most likely a blighted ovum that never really progressed very far in developing a baby. My hormone levels also never got over 5000 with that one. With this pregnancy, given my high levels, I feel like I can say that there is a developing baby in there. I may or may not get to the point of giving birth to this baby. But I've got him or her right now and so I'm trying to enjoy the moment of that. Even if I'm enjoying it from the bathroom floor!
I was surfing today to see when you can expect to see the heartbeat on an ultrasound. Seems like 6.5 weeks is a common point but I'm not going to hold my breath given my retroverted uterus. Anyway, I came across one web page where you could ask questions of an ultrasound tech and she said sometimes she will have patients with inconclusive ultrasounds that need to wait a week for the next one. She said she always tells them that there's nothing to be done but wait and that they should enjoy every moment they can with their baby. Maybe the next ultrasound will be bad news but they've got the baby for now. I'm really trying to find encouragement in that. My last pregnancy was most likely a blighted ovum that never really progressed very far in developing a baby. My hormone levels also never got over 5000 with that one. With this pregnancy, given my high levels, I feel like I can say that there is a developing baby in there. I may or may not get to the point of giving birth to this baby. But I've got him or her right now and so I'm trying to enjoy the moment of that. Even if I'm enjoying it from the bathroom floor!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Accomplishment!
Tonight I was laying in bed and my 2.5 year old daughter came in the room and announced "I'm all done going potty". I was busy catching up on my blog reading and frankly didn't think too much of it. Then I happened to look at her and saw that she was naked from the waist down. So I scooped her up and ran downstairs to look at the small potty in the guest bathroom. Sure enough: she had peed in it! I was so ecstatic. For months now everyone has been berating me for not trying to train her. I maintained (given my vast experience on this subject of course!) that she was the type that would use it as a battleground until she was ready if I tried to push her. So I haven't pushed her. I keep the potty out and we talk about it a lot. She proved me right today by doing it the first time all alone, all by herself. So you'll excuse me if I take a few moments to brag on her. And on me for being right. Although time will tell about that!
As a side note, some of you may be unable to post comments on my blog because blogger is in the midst of switching over login stuff. I am unable to leave comments on blogs that have not switched to the beta and I guess you can't leave comments on beta blogs without a google login. Hopefully they will get this all resolved soon - it's a real pain in the butt. In the meantime, I have an email address over there to the side and if I am MIA from commenting on your blog, you'll know why.
As a side note, some of you may be unable to post comments on my blog because blogger is in the midst of switching over login stuff. I am unable to leave comments on blogs that have not switched to the beta and I guess you can't leave comments on beta blogs without a google login. Hopefully they will get this all resolved soon - it's a real pain in the butt. In the meantime, I have an email address over there to the side and if I am MIA from commenting on your blog, you'll know why.
Last Beta
I'm assuming this will be the last beta for a while (hopefully!) since I'm now at 8602; definitely over 1000! So, if you're interested:
Maybe I ovulated the day before and my temp just didn't go up that morning. So
Still high. I'm hoping this will get me through the next week! I'm still not having any symptoms really. No nausea. My boobs hurt off and on but not a lot. I wonder how high my hormones have to be before they start causing problems?! Other than cramping, I mean!!
* At 22 DPO, the average HCG level is 1287 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 185-3279 mIU/ml.
Maybe I ovulated the day before and my temp just didn't go up that morning. So
* At 23 DPO, the average HCG level is 2034 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 506-4660 mIU/ml.
Still high. I'm hoping this will get me through the next week! I'm still not having any symptoms really. No nausea. My boobs hurt off and on but not a lot. I wonder how high my hormones have to be before they start causing problems?! Other than cramping, I mean!!
Home At Last
We got back into town this afternoon. We had a nice visit with my aunt although I'm afraid we tired her out! Then we spent a few days with the parents of my good friend B in the mountains of NC. It was all fun but I'm tired and ready to get back into the routine.
So, I was doing just fine until Sunday. While at church with my aunt I had one of those sudden, depressing mood changes. I became totally convinced that I was miscarrying. I just knew I would get home to find blood in the underwear. What brings this on? I had good betas and nothing happened; it just came. It didn't help that Sunday afternoon I started cramping. Not terribly bad but I would have taken something if I hadn't been pregnant. It continued on all day Monday. And it was still there Tuesday. I felt like Jekyll and Hyde, trying to be a good guest and all the time thinking that any minute I was going to start bleeding. Tuesday morning I left a message for the RE that I had some questions. I missed their return call Tuesday evening and the nurse left a message that she was assuming I was calling to get my beta results but she couldn't find them. As an aside, they wanted me to get one more beta, to get over the 1000 mark. So I left another message (rather tearful towards the end I'm afraid to admit) that I was having cramping and that I really needed to do an earlier ultrasound for my own peace of mind. That night we were finally able to get on the internet where I learned that cramping at this point is quite common and, as long as it's not accompanied by bleeding, it's not really a cause for concern. I also learned that it can be caused either by the uterus stretching or also by other factors such a dehydration. That made perfect sense to me since the whole trip I had not been drinking anything but sweet tea (hey, it's the south!) and not much at that. So that night I started drinking water and lots of it and guess what: by Wednesday I wasn't cramping anymore. I finally got a return call from the RE's nurse Wednesday morning and she agreed to schedule an earlier ultrasound for the 18th when I will be almost 7 weeks. I still can't quite figure out why they are so reluctant to do them any earlier. But so be it. She said I could talk to the doc at that point about doing more but she didn't think it would be a problem. Since they're my only option at this point, I'm dealing with it!
So that was my "vacation"! It got more relaxing the last day. I think if I had been able to consult Dr. Google at the start of the cramping I would have been much better off mentally. As it is, only 11 more days till my ultrasound and I should have the results of my latest beta tonight. Hopefully that'll be enough to buoy me for 11 days!
So, I was doing just fine until Sunday. While at church with my aunt I had one of those sudden, depressing mood changes. I became totally convinced that I was miscarrying. I just knew I would get home to find blood in the underwear. What brings this on? I had good betas and nothing happened; it just came. It didn't help that Sunday afternoon I started cramping. Not terribly bad but I would have taken something if I hadn't been pregnant. It continued on all day Monday. And it was still there Tuesday. I felt like Jekyll and Hyde, trying to be a good guest and all the time thinking that any minute I was going to start bleeding. Tuesday morning I left a message for the RE that I had some questions. I missed their return call Tuesday evening and the nurse left a message that she was assuming I was calling to get my beta results but she couldn't find them. As an aside, they wanted me to get one more beta, to get over the 1000 mark. So I left another message (rather tearful towards the end I'm afraid to admit) that I was having cramping and that I really needed to do an earlier ultrasound for my own peace of mind. That night we were finally able to get on the internet where I learned that cramping at this point is quite common and, as long as it's not accompanied by bleeding, it's not really a cause for concern. I also learned that it can be caused either by the uterus stretching or also by other factors such a dehydration. That made perfect sense to me since the whole trip I had not been drinking anything but sweet tea (hey, it's the south!) and not much at that. So that night I started drinking water and lots of it and guess what: by Wednesday I wasn't cramping anymore. I finally got a return call from the RE's nurse Wednesday morning and she agreed to schedule an earlier ultrasound for the 18th when I will be almost 7 weeks. I still can't quite figure out why they are so reluctant to do them any earlier. But so be it. She said I could talk to the doc at that point about doing more but she didn't think it would be a problem. Since they're my only option at this point, I'm dealing with it!
So that was my "vacation"! It got more relaxing the last day. I think if I had been able to consult Dr. Google at the start of the cramping I would have been much better off mentally. As it is, only 11 more days till my ultrasound and I should have the results of my latest beta tonight. Hopefully that'll be enough to buoy me for 11 days!
Friday, September 01, 2006
Another Beta
Another beta today: 955. Still a doubling time of a little over 33 hours. Haven't heard from the RE's office yet but I assume this will be the last one. Well, mostly because we are going out of town tomorrow and won't be back till later next week! So now we are on the countdown till the ultrasound, which is another 4 or 5 weeks away.
As for the level of the beta, most pages you find quote this:
At 16 DPO, the average HCG level is 95 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 33-223 mIU/ml
betabase reports a median of 231 for 16dpo for singletons and 420 for multiples. Obviously, my 955 is really high compared to any of those, which, according to Dr. Google, can be an indicator for twins. J is for some reason absolutely, positively convinced there's two of them this time around. I personally just think I tend towards high hormone levels. My first m/c, we didn't do betas until about 8 weeks and those numbers were on the high side of the ranges even then. So speculation is rampant but we won't know anything for sure for a while.
We leave tomorrow (weather cooperating) to visit my Aunt in South Carolina. She lives in the same town she grew up in, and, in fact, her current house stands on the same spot as the house that she was born in! She's a lovely lady with the most graceful manners and Southern accent. From there we go to spent a couple of days with the parents of my good friend B. They have a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina. I once joined the family there for several weeks one summer when I was about 12 or 13. Haven't been back since and am really looking forward to it.
In other news I was "accepted" in the MOPs program at the local Baptist Church. Our first meeting is next Friday and it looks like we meet once a month with other activities such as playgroups and Moms' nights out sprinkled in between. I'm sure I'll get more nervous about the first meeting as it approaches!
That's it for a while. Off to enjoy our vacation and pass some quality time while awaiting our ultrasound.
As for the level of the beta, most pages you find quote this:
At 16 DPO, the average HCG level is 95 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 33-223 mIU/ml
betabase reports a median of 231 for 16dpo for singletons and 420 for multiples. Obviously, my 955 is really high compared to any of those, which, according to Dr. Google, can be an indicator for twins. J is for some reason absolutely, positively convinced there's two of them this time around. I personally just think I tend towards high hormone levels. My first m/c, we didn't do betas until about 8 weeks and those numbers were on the high side of the ranges even then. So speculation is rampant but we won't know anything for sure for a while.
We leave tomorrow (weather cooperating) to visit my Aunt in South Carolina. She lives in the same town she grew up in, and, in fact, her current house stands on the same spot as the house that she was born in! She's a lovely lady with the most graceful manners and Southern accent. From there we go to spent a couple of days with the parents of my good friend B. They have a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina. I once joined the family there for several weeks one summer when I was about 12 or 13. Haven't been back since and am really looking forward to it.
In other news I was "accepted" in the MOPs program at the local Baptist Church. Our first meeting is next Friday and it looks like we meet once a month with other activities such as playgroups and Moms' nights out sprinkled in between. I'm sure I'll get more nervous about the first meeting as it approaches!
That's it for a while. Off to enjoy our vacation and pass some quality time while awaiting our ultrasound.
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