I'm still managing to sail on the euphoric seas of my beta yesterday. Funny how something as simple as a number can determine one's mood. Lorem says "Can I say 'Congratulations' yet?" which had me thinking a lot last night. Will there be a magical moment in this pregnancy when I can say "yes, you can congratulate me because I'm going to have a baby"? I think the answer would have to be no. I think it will be a very gradual process of accepting that this pregnancy might work out. I foresee that the process will take about 8 more months! But I've decided to be happy just the same. I don't know if it will work out. I don't know if I'll have another miscarriage. But I do know that I got pregnant on the second try since my surgery and that's a far cry from the year it took to get pregnant after my first m/c. And right now I am pregnant. So by golly I'm going to be happy for myself and try to enjoy it.
I'm writing these words mostly so that I can re-read them in a week or two and remind myself of this feeling!
The RE's office finally called me yesterday afternoon. They didn't have my second beta results yet so I told the nurse what it was. She said that was great. We also clarified the chain of events. I will do betas until I top 1000. Then we can schedule an ultrasound which will take place around 8 weeks. If everything looks good at that ultrasound, the doc will release me to a regular OB. I'm disappointed that I won't be getting more ultrasounds and more monitoring and that I can't stay with him a little longer (past the 10 weeks of my first m/c). On the flip side, I'm hoping that by the 8 week ultrasound we'll be able to see a heartbeat (I have a retroverted uterus which makes seeing things happen a little later). At this point I'm planning to go back to the OB who did my HSG and I'm sure that she will do extra ultrasounds as I feel I need them. I will probably ask for appts every 2 weeks when I first start with her. So, I'm not looking any further than the next milestone (!) but I feel a little better having a tentative plan.
You know, just in case things work out....
Showing posts with label Pregnancy Number 4. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy Number 4. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Milestone: First Beta Results
131.
One hundred thirty one.
That's a doubling time of every 35ish hours. The average for 14dpo (this is 12dpo for me) is 48 and the range is 17 to 119. So from a theoretical standpoint, things are looking really good right now. I told J that this news out to carry me for a good 24 hours. I just picked up the results from the lab so I don't know what the RE's office will have to say about things.
One hundred thirty one.
That's a doubling time of every 35ish hours. The average for 14dpo (this is 12dpo for me) is 48 and the range is 17 to 119. So from a theoretical standpoint, things are looking really good right now. I told J that this news out to carry me for a good 24 hours. I just picked up the results from the lab so I don't know what the RE's office will have to say about things.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Happy and sad
I'm doing pretty good today. I even managed to convince myself not to POAS this morning! Trying to hold out for my second beta tomorrow. I went ahead and put up a ticker on my blog. It says I'm 3w4d and I have 255 days left. That seems like an eternity to me when all I really want to dio is make it to 3w5d right now. The past days have been a real roller coaster for me. One moment I'm up and happy and optimistic; the next I'm down, very low down. I think this pregnancy will be a series of milestones: if I can just double at the next beta, if I can just get to 1000 for the ultrasound, if I can just see a heartbeat. One step at a time.
I've spent a good part of the day today reading about the plane crash in Lexington, KY. It was a 50 passenger commuter jet which is the same kind J flies, only for a different company. I think most people see stories like this and are sad for the passengers' families. I saw the story and immediately thought about the pilots of course, picturing myself in their families' shoes. It's a dangerous, scary world out there.
I've spent a good part of the day today reading about the plane crash in Lexington, KY. It was a 50 passenger commuter jet which is the same kind J flies, only for a different company. I think most people see stories like this and are sad for the passengers' families. I saw the story and immediately thought about the pilots of course, picturing myself in their families' shoes. It's a dangerous, scary world out there.
Friday, August 25, 2006
The Numbers are In
I decided to go get my beta from the lab this evening since the RE's office didn't call me. The number [drum roll please] is 33.7.
At first I thought: that's low. The more I thought about it though, I realized that any number I heard at this point would have been too low in my mind! So I finally got home and consulted Dr. Google. The lowest numbers I can find are for 14DPO where the average beta is 48 and the range is 17-119. So according to that I am probably okay at this point.
Of course I fully realize that nothing can really be determined until Monday when I get another beta done. Until then I guess I will just have to obsess.
Wow: I just calculated out potential doublings. If I double every 72 hours, I should theoretically top 1000 by the end of next week. So we could be looking at an ultrasound in less than 2 weeks. That's a lot of assumptions in that thinking but for now it will have to do.
At first I thought: that's low. The more I thought about it though, I realized that any number I heard at this point would have been too low in my mind! So I finally got home and consulted Dr. Google. The lowest numbers I can find are for 14DPO where the average beta is 48 and the range is 17-119. So according to that I am probably okay at this point.
Of course I fully realize that nothing can really be determined until Monday when I get another beta done. Until then I guess I will just have to obsess.
Wow: I just calculated out potential doublings. If I double every 72 hours, I should theoretically top 1000 by the end of next week. So we could be looking at an ultrasound in less than 2 weeks. That's a lot of assumptions in that thinking but for now it will have to do.
Feelings
Thank you so much for all your well-wishes! And thank you doubly for not saying that huge C-word like the nurse at the RE's office did. That word scares me right now. I hope it won't always but it does right now.
Just to set the record straight: I was being rather tongue-in-cheek about the progesterone causing a BFP. Rest assured that I shall continue the progesterone, probably with more diligence than ever before now.
I'm feeling pretty good. Definitely feeling last night's lack of sleep! I've been rather crampy this afternoon but it helps to be able to go look back at G's chart and see that I had cramps at this point with her as well. The other thing I noticed is that at 8dpo with her, I had a bout of nausea like last night's.
I'm definitely scared. No doubt about it. I want so much to believe that this is IT. That this pregnancy will somehow turn out okay. If I say that to people who've never experienced a loss I know that they will be quick to assure me that it will, that they somehow just know that this one will go okay. Of course no one can know that. And it helps so much to have a community of people who can identify with that.
At the same time I'm encouraged, just by the fact that I tested positive so early. With G, I got a BFP at 10dpo. My first m/c I didn't get a BFP until like 6 or 7 weeks. The second m/c I got a very faint positive at about 14dpo. So I'm definitely encouraged.
I decided to go ahead and call the RE's office and see what they had to say. The protocol is this: I did my first beta this afternoon and I'll do another one on Monday. I'll do them every 2 or 3 days from there. Once I hit a magic 1000 I'll go in for my first ultrasound. Then I suppose we'll talk about where to go from there. At this moment I want to stay with the RE as long as possible. But I'm really trying to focus just on this moment. It's just too scary right now to look any further than that.
Just to set the record straight: I was being rather tongue-in-cheek about the progesterone causing a BFP. Rest assured that I shall continue the progesterone, probably with more diligence than ever before now.
I'm feeling pretty good. Definitely feeling last night's lack of sleep! I've been rather crampy this afternoon but it helps to be able to go look back at G's chart and see that I had cramps at this point with her as well. The other thing I noticed is that at 8dpo with her, I had a bout of nausea like last night's.
I'm definitely scared. No doubt about it. I want so much to believe that this is IT. That this pregnancy will somehow turn out okay. If I say that to people who've never experienced a loss I know that they will be quick to assure me that it will, that they somehow just know that this one will go okay. Of course no one can know that. And it helps so much to have a community of people who can identify with that.
At the same time I'm encouraged, just by the fact that I tested positive so early. With G, I got a BFP at 10dpo. My first m/c I didn't get a BFP until like 6 or 7 weeks. The second m/c I got a very faint positive at about 14dpo. So I'm definitely encouraged.
I decided to go ahead and call the RE's office and see what they had to say. The protocol is this: I did my first beta this afternoon and I'll do another one on Monday. I'll do them every 2 or 3 days from there. Once I hit a magic 1000 I'll go in for my first ultrasound. Then I suppose we'll talk about where to go from there. At this moment I want to stay with the RE as long as possible. But I'm really trying to focus just on this moment. It's just too scary right now to look any further than that.
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