Tuesday, February 28, 2006


My HCG levels from yesterday were 1762. Definitely a trend in the right direction. Now it's all a waiting game till I can get them tested again on Monday. My bleeding continues with more clotting today. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but the bleeding is still only medium flow for me so I'm not too worried about it. I'm trying to take it easy but physically I am feeling just fine except for the ocassional abdominal area pain so I have to constantly remind myself to slow down.

Can someone remind me what life was like before I got on this roller coaster? Before I could go pee without holding my breath at what I might find. Before the up and down cycle of positive OPKs and negative HPTs? And yet, as ready as I am to be pregnant again, I fear that state more than I can imagine right now.

Well, as one of my commenters said, "third time's a charm".

Monday, February 27, 2006

Appointment and Final Ultrasound

I went in for my appointment today. Doc did an ultrasound and she says it looks like everything has passed. The plan is to do weekly betas and follow my levels down to 0. Then, as soon as they are down to 0 and I get the next period, we'll schedule the HSG. If everything looks clear on that, we'll be given the green light to start trying again. My hormone levels after the D&C took an unusually long time to get back to 0; 35 days after the D&C my levels were still hovering at 30. So I am really curious and quite anxious to see how long it will take this time. Of course, last year, my hormone levels were coming down from almost 200,000 whereas now I only have to get down from just under 6000. I had my blood draw today so hopefully I'll be able to go get the results tomorrow.

The only other news of note was my progesterone levels. I had my blood draw at 8dpo of this cycle and my level was 9.3. She said she'd like to see 10. Was it low because it was already a doomed pregnancy? Or was it a doomed pregnancy because it was low? Who knows. At any rate, she said we'd try supplements next time. I'm sure after the HSG we'll discuss those details. She also said we'd do a lot more monitoring. She tried to sound very upbeat and positive which I was glad of. I made it through the appointment just fine and didn't lose it till the lady at the hospital tried to take my blood and messed up the first time. She was nice and tried to be comforting but I just wanted to be out of there. For the rest of my blood draws I hope to be able to get my SIL's nurse to do them because she can always get me on the first try with very little pain.

I'm not really sure how I feel right now. Relieved that the m/c seems to be over and I hopefully won't have to do another D&C. Anxious for my levels to drop. Looking forward to what the HSG might show. Lots of emotions. I'm sure I'll work through them all in the coming weeks. Thanks for everyone's nice comments and supports. It is so important to know that one is not alone. Even though I have a good support system of friends and family, a simple comment from someone who's been there means so much.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

When God Speaks

It's past time for bed but I'm totally wired. For some reason when I get sick, I just can't stomach water or anything non-carbonated. So I actually drank 2 Cokes today. Me. Who drinks about 2 cokes a year! Caffeine, sugar laden cokes. I can't believe I did that.

Since passing the sac today I haven't passed anymore big clots. It rather surprises me; I thought that having a miscarriage would be painful with lots of cramping and bleeding. I didn't know that something so important could just slip out of your body with little more than a bit of spotting. Scary. And you think I'll make it through another pregnancy with normal blood pressure. I'll probably take to my bed and keep my legs propped up and tightly closed for the whole nine months. Hell, I may even get one of those contraptions that suspends you upside down on your head.

Damn. There I go being all hopeful and optimistic again. I have absolutely no will-power or self control. Shoot, I let myself drink 2 cans of liquid sugar today; what's to stop me from conquering the world if I so desire.

I feel like I should be grieving a little more. That I should be sitting here crying my eyes out. That maybe I should be a little more angry at God. But all I can conjure up is thoughts on whether the OB will want me to wait one cycle or three and when she'll want to schedule the HSG and whether I should go ahead and try Clomid that cycle or not. Maybe I'm trying to drown the grief with a bunch of head noise. Maybe I've stretched the grief out over a week since I started spotting last Saturday.

I started this blog to see if I could reconcile my feelings about God. Some days I really have no desire to delve into my feelings on that subject anymore. Some days I feel like I've put God in a neat little box, tied it up, and stuck it on the shelf till I'm ready to take it down again. Then other days.....

One night last week when I was crying myself to sleep, I railed at God. I truly did not mean to "pray" to him. It just came out of me. "How can you be so cruel as to give me a hope of another pregnancy and a chance at another life just to take it away"????

How do you know when God speaks to you? All my life in the Southern Baptist tradition, the preachers would tell you to listen for the "still small voice". As a child I always wondered how the adults knew it was God speaking to them and not them speaking to themselves. That night, as I cried out looking for answers, this phrase came to me. I don't know where it came from. I just know that it was in my mind, fully formed, before I could think about it.

Because I have something better for you.

My subconscious could very easily have implanted this thought in my brain. After all, it is exactly what I wanted to hear. Comforting words of encouragement that someday I'll hold another real live baby of my own in my arms.

Or maybe God spoke.

Of course, if it was God speaking, I have a thousand more questions to be answered. Chief among them are to make sure that God knows that the "something better" should be a healthy child of either sex with a good disposition and good sleep patterns like his or her older sister. Smart and cute would be desirable qualities but I don't want to seem too ungrateful or picky. I am not praying, but did you get all that God?

Definitely Out of Limbo-Land

I passed my sac a little while ago along with some really large clots. I don't know if any of them were the placenta or not. I do know that my bleeding is a bit heavier and I am rather hurting as opposed to cramping. So I will try to take it easy and hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Roller Coaster

Life has been quite a roller coaster this weekend. We watched a movie Friday night and after that I got up to go to bed and was suddenly overcome by some of the worst nauseau. A few hours later I was having diarrhea and vomitting. This was accompanied by an agonizingly achy feeling: my whole midsection just ached and my back was killing me. Of course I thought this was the miscarriage except that I was not bleeding, not even spotting at this point. I had some Tylenol 3 in the medicine cabinet but I was afraid to take it, not really knowing 100% certain the status of my "pregnancy". See what I mean about that tiny bug of hope? Even in the worst agony that stupid tiny bug managed to thrive.

When morning finally came I called my OB's office. Since it was Saturday they ended up putting me through to an OB nurse at the hospital who was very nice and sympathetic but could only tell me that I really needed to go in to the ER to determine anything. That was about the last place I felt like being at that point! Plus we had 20 people coming over for G's birthday party and I didn't want to mess that up. I ended up talking to my BIL who is a former OBGyn and he said it sounded like a stomache bug that is going around right now and that I'd probably be okay. Sure enough, I slept decently well last night, had a small bowl of cereal today and feel almost human again.

This morning I am still having some mild cramps and my bleeding has picked up again, even more than on Friday, and I am starting to pass some clots. I will be so glad for my appointment tomorrow to get the ultrasound and see what's there and talk to my OB about where to go from here.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Picking Up

Yours truly, checking in from limbo-land. Only I think I'm getting closer to getting out of it. I've had mild cramps off and on all day and a couple times more than mild. I've also started getting a bit more than spotting - almost a light period-type flow. I've also been somewhat nauseous all day which I've read often accompanies a m/c. So I'm hoping that things will get started and maybe by Monday we can just do an ultrasound to confirm that everything is over and I can talk to the OB about the next steps. Of course, nothing about this baby-making business has gone as I have envisioned it so I guess I will just wait and see what happens.

Tomorrow is G's second birthday party. My inlaws are here from out of town. We should have about 25 people over here tomorrow. Thankfully, only one other toddler and an infant. I am about to make a grocery store run to get drinks and chips and we'll be all ready for the party. I'm looking forward to it to take my mind off things.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


How do you take a little bit of hope and squash it like a tick??? Because I'd really like to figure out how to do that.

After talking to my OB today I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up. So we're sitting there watching a movie tonight and I start to feel a little crampy and, unlike the last 2 days, I feel the dread creeping over me that it's not going to work out. But I knew that yesterday and welcomed the cramps as a sign that things would move along. Today that tiny bit of hope has insinuated itself into my heart and continues to bug the hell out of me.

From all my research on Dr. Google tonight, I have learned that it may indeed be possible to not see a baby on an ultrasound at 7 weeks if you have a retroverted (tilted) uterus and I know that I do indeed have one significant enough for several practitioners to have told me about it throughout the years. I have also learned that HCG numbers are not necessarily indicative of the health of a pregnancy once you get past about 6 weeks. To balance that out, it's the placenta that generates the HCG, not the baby, so you can have a healthily functioning placenta pumping out the hormones without necessarily having a baby in there.

So I still have 4 days to wait till the ultrasound and still nothing to go on. I have absolutely no idea how I'll make it till then. Greetings from limbo-land. Which, if you'll remember, doesn't really exist.

By the way, thanks Josefina for your comments; I wish I could read your blog but I wish you the best! And thanks to everyone who's left comments. It means a lot to know that I'm not alone out here.

Nothing is Ever Straightforward

Finally got a call from my OB. Truly, I was expecting my numbers to go down but instead they have gone up. Not by much but they did go up. Monday they were 4975 and Wednesday they were 5693. One internet chart I found said that HCG levels below 6000 should double every 96 hours. It also calculates my doubling time as 247 hours. So I am still not much hopeful. Although I find it impossible not to quell some bit of rising hope.

My OB is still not ruling anything out. Given that I am no longer cramping and that my spotting is still there and red but not increasing, she said she really can't rule out a viable pregnancy based on the information we have. I think she is still operating under the assumption that my dates might be off but given that I had an early positive test at 12DPO, I just can't agree with her.

So, all is on hold until the next ultrasound Monday afternoon. In the meantime I am going to put off my desire to open a bottle of wine and down it in one sitting. Even if this did turn out to be a viable pregnancy though, my concern would be that my numbers are just so low and slow to rise. There are so many implications in that fact and so much soul-searching that would have to be done. I so do not want to be on the road I am on at the moment.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Stop and Think

I had my blood draw today but I wasn't able to go back to the lab to get the results and the OB didn't call so I'm still in the dark. My spotting continues mostly red and heavier but still only when I wipe. I had cramping last night but nothing since then. The wait continues. I've written out a list of questions for when my OB calls which I'm hoping will be tomorrow morning.

I posted the email that I sent out yesterday and I wanted to share one of the responses I got.

I have a friend/acquaintance that I used to work with. When I started my job in Ohio, she had been there about 6 months and we immediately hit it off. We had a lot in common both on the job and off. We didn't spend time together outside work, but we had a lot of time at work to sit and chat. She followed my TTC journey the first time around and her son is actually 6 weeks younger than G. She continues to work there and we have kept in touch off and on. Upon ocassion J and I will be near her work and we'll give her a call to go to lunch. I think once or twice she's actually shown up. Invariably, she will say yes, she'll be there. Then 5 or 10 minutes later, she'll call with some excuse why she can't come. At first I would get pissed. Then I started taking it in stride and I would invite her just for the laugh we'd get betting on what kind of excuse she'd come up with. So, the Friday before I started spotting, we called her up and went through the routine. As expected, she called back with an excuse. We went to lunch by ourselves and had a very nice laugh over it.

Anyway, she sent me an email reply to my message which was very touching and comforting as she told me what a strong woman she thinks I am. I've never thought of myself in that way and it gave me pause for thought. But what I thought was the most telling was this sentence:

I wish we would have gotten together on Friday instead of us re-doing our family room in 1 weekend. I know getting together wouldn't have changed anything but it would have made me feel better.

I wanted to share this with you because it really made me stop and realize how important it is to make time for friends and family. It's important to include them in our lives as more than just spectators. Because you just never know what's around the next corner.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Checking In

No beta numbers today but I felt like checking in. I am doing a lot better today. It may sound strange, but the explanation of a blighted ovum is helping me deal with things a lot better. My first m/c was a pregnancy that followed right on the heals of getting my Mirena IUD removed. I will always be convinced that that had something to do with losing the baby. So when I first started spotting this weekend, my first thoughts were that the IUD had somehow messed me up and I would never be able to carry a pregnancy again. Knowing that the loss of this one was most likely chromosonal and not having anything to do with the inside of my uterus helps me in that it leaves me more hopeful that the next baby will make it. Third time's a charm, right?

I wanted to share with you the email that I sent out 'To all you who "knew"'. We had already shared our news with a handful of friends and family. Just as I will share early news with them again, hopefully in the near future. But it is rather difficult to find the words to tell them about miscarrying again. I've gotten the sweetest replies and I think those help me in getting through this as much as anything.

The thing about telling people early on about a pregnancy is that then you have to figure out how to tell them that things aren't working out. Not only do I feel sad in my own right, but for some strange reason, I feel like I've let my friends down. This probably won't stop me from telling you early on about the next pregnancy (notice the hopeful tone) nor will it stop me from feeling like I'm letting people down.

At any rate..... I've been spotting and cramping since Saturday. I was able to get in with the OB today and she did an ultrasound. Basically there is a sac but no baby. Yes, you really can be not quite pregnant. Dr. Google says this is called a "blighted ovum" and is a common enough occurrence but I hope never to have to deal with the terms again. My hormone levels are quite low although I won't know for sure how things stand until I repeat them on Wednesday. But nothing in the picture is encouraging.

For now I am hanging in there. I was thinking a while ago that losses seem to get easier with each one. But after cogitating on that for a while, I realized that they don't really get easier; you just figure out how to build stronger walls against hope seeping in. I think it's a survival mechanism.

So, Gracie is not going to be a big sister in October. Very likely not even this year. In the meantime I am taking what good I can: I am lining up the wine bottles to drown my sorrows.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Results Are In

Of course, I'll need another beta to compare, but I think we can safely assume that this pregnancy is over. My beta at 7W1D is 4975. According to Dr. Google, this is a reasonable level:
7 - 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
I would be very surprised indeed if Wednesday's beta does not go down.

I spent the afternoon with a good friend who totally understands what I'm going through. It really helped to be able to talk through my frustration. Given my research, this would seem to be a "blighted ovum". Was there really a baby to grieve over? I think what I grieve most right now is the lost time. The clock ticks and right now I'm standing still. Waiting.

I'm off to inquire about some more things from Dr. Google. Until the next beta....

OB Appointment / Ultrasound

I was able to get in to see my OB today. She did an ultrasound which she said was inconclusive. Basically there was a sac but no visible signs of a fetal pole or baby. Certainly no heartbeat. She said the two options were that I have my dates off or that I am miscarrying. She tried to seem positive but I'm pretty sure I don't have my dates off so far as to not see something in that sac by this point. I have another ultrasound scheduled for next Monday. I also did a blood draw and I hope to get those results tonight. I have a feeling that those results will tell us all we need to know. I am still having some cramping and spotting. I rather enjoyed reading Lorem's post today on limbo because that's exactly where I feel like I am right now. Neither here nor there. And now that's not even a state. So where does that leave me? I'll post more when I know more.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

7 Weeks

I'm not sure which is worse: actually having a miscarriage or waiting for one. I woke up this morning to some contious mild cramping. It got better once I got up. I have had no more spotting this morning. Not yet anyway.

J and I haven't talked about it. Yesterday when I first discovered the spotting we were getting ready to go swimming at the Y. All I told him then was that it was starting again just like last time. I think he knew what I meant. He has been very attentive to me and giving me lots of hugs and playing with the Little Miss a lot more. But he hasn't asked me any questions. For now I prefer it that way. Since I don't have any answers right now.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hope is a cruel thing

I have gone through so many emotions in the space of less than 12 hours today. I am having "spotting" just like my last m/c started off with. I'm not really sure what to call it. It's more like fertile eggwhite CM tinged pink, red, and brown. I know in my head that it could mean many things but I just can't think that this pregnancy is going to end any different than the last. I am also having quite a bit of cramping which I don't remember having with the last miscarriage.

My plan right now is to scrap the midwife and call the OB first thing Monday morning. I doubt there is anything she can do but maybe I can at least see a picture of my little bean before he/she goes.

So many thoughts swirling through my head. Try again? Throw in the towel? Be happy with what I've got?

I started this blog to work through my feelings about god. I can tell you this much for sure at this moment: I have no desire to pray to or even think about this god. He means nothing to me right now. Any being that can give hope and then so cruelly snatch it away is not worth my worship, let alone any of my feelings. I guess you could say I've pretty much worked through my feelings about god at this point.

The Beginning of the End

I started spotting today.

Life Sucks.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


My Mom called last night. They were supposed to be coming up here next week for G's second birthday. My Mom does not fly (she's always hated it but finally threw in the towel after 9/11) so they decided not to drive next week because of the weather. Well, that was the real reason but she threw in a couple other excuses for good measure. My favorite of the bunch was "We have to sell our old refrigerator. It's sitting out in the garage right now". I just wanted to archive that in blogland. My Mom actually used that as an excuse for not coming to see us. Oh well. Whatever. But it gets worse. She picked March 16 to come instead. That will be the first anniversary of The Ultrasound. She asked if that would work and I couldn't come up with any honest excuse why it wouldn't. Except maybe that I've got this huge stack of stuff that needs carting off to Goodwill. She doesn't know any of the dates involved in my miscarriage. I didn't tell my parents about it until a couple months after the fact. I wasn't going to tell them at all but in the end I decided it was a small circle that I needed to close. Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I think perhaps it's a good thing they'll be here. Dealing with my mother always takes my mind off more important matters.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Making Appointments

So, I called up my midwife's office this afternoon to make my first appointment. Here's how part of the conversation went with Shirley:

Shirley: How many pregnancies does this make for you?

Me: This is my third

Shirley: So you have 2 children?

Me: Uh..., no, just one

Shirley: So you had a miscarriage?

Duhhhh.... Hello Shirley. You're not a young chit who still thinks everything works out okay every time. You're old enough to know better. Old enough to know that sooner or later there's going to be someone on the other end of the phone whose pregnancies and living children just don't equal out.

At least she didn't get down to details like was the miscarriage before or after my living child. I'll take credit for myself though: I was very direct but not rude in my answer. I said that yes, miscarriages being more common than not, I had had a miscarriage. I would have liked to have told her off but I hope to use this midwife and I know I'll be encountering Shirley for the next 8 months or so. I'll try to remember to be at least civil to her.

At any rate, I have an appointment for next Thursday morning. I'm very excited. I'll be 7.5 weeks by my ovulation date and 8 weeks by my LMP. I hope to get her to schedule a scan around 11 weeks. Being a midwife, I'm not sure how routinely they do early scans but I've decided I want one after I've passed the point where I miscarried before. I don't know how much it will ease my mind but I hope it will go a long way to making me more at ease with this pregnancy.

someone's idea of a sick joke?

Before working out at the Y this morning, I went to the bathroom there. As usual after wiping, I performed the dreaded TP examination. There was a speck of red on it. Trying not to think too much, I quickly grabbed some more and wiped again. Damn. Another small spot of red. By this time my heart was on the floor and my mind was racing in 20000 different directions. Trying to calm myself down, I got some more tissue and this time took a good look at it before wiping. Wouldn't you know it: it was that really cheap stuff with lots of pulp in it of different colors. You know: purple, blue, brown. Ummm, red. I decided it must be some man's idea of a sick joke. I felt like such a good American: I wanted to sue them for unnecessary pain and suffering.

I found myself thinking today that I am halfway through my first trimester. I so do not want to spend this pregnancy trying to get to the next milestone. I want to enjoy each moment of it. As though it may be my last. Or my first. Every day I look at my precious little one and realize that 2 years have flown by. She walked down the stairs this morning clutching Elmo in one hand and the bannister in the other. When I asked if she wanted to hold my hand (like usual) she said "No hand". Pretty soon she'll be getting herself up and dressed and even brushing her own hair and she won't need me at all. And all too soon even this new child will be walking down the stairs saying "No hand". But right now I don't have that future. All I have is this moment in time. And I cherish that.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

6 Weeks and Counting!

I don't know why I feel like 6 weeks is such a milestone. My symptoms earlier this week seem to have subsided. In fact, now I don't even really feel pregnant at all. I still have my lingering sinus stuff. My BIL asked me last night how I was doing and I said I was all stopped up and runny at the same time. Is that even possible?? So, I'm looking forward to what the coming week might bring in terms of renewed symptoms and trying not to dwell on the fact that I don't feel very pregnant right now.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

You Think......?!

I can assure you with great certainty that this pregnancy is making itself felt! I never knew it was possible to be so tired while continuing to function at some level. Naps are no longer a nicety; they are an absolute necessity if I want to make it past 7pm. I am peeing buckets. This morning, I went to put on one of my skirts that has always been a little too big for me, only to discover that there was no question of tucking in my shirt and even then I had to hold in my belly just to button it.

So, being the avid googler that I am when faced with uncertainties, I inquired from Mr. Google what the early symptoms of a twin pregnancy might be. Among others, they include normal pregnancy symptoms intensified very early on (including frequent urination and tiredness) and measuring larger earlier.

The whole clothes issue has me concerned. I remember from last year's pregnancy (which is on the same timeline as this one almost to the day) that my clothes started getting a little snug around the Little Miss's birthday (2/25) and the day before I started spotting (3/4) I had to get my maternity pants out. So, the pants getting snug at 5.5 weeks is a bit extreme, don't you think?

I know that it is most likely just bloating and the extreme tiredness is due to the fact that my sinus problems have resurfaced. But I felt like I wanted to record my suspicions about a possible twin pregnancy in case it happens. That way I can say that I knew it all along. If it doesn't happen I can chalk it up to hormones.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


It may have been questionable before. Now it's certifiable: I'm hopeless. I went to the Dollar Store today and actually picked up 2 pregnancy tests. Then I actually bought them. Then I came home and actually peed on one. But I have to say: there was something very gratifying about seeing that 2nd line appear even as the pee went over it. It's as dark as the control line. No question about it: I'm knocked up.

I'm saving that second test for a weak moment and then I promise: no more testing!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

5 Weeks!

I've made it to 5 weeks! This past week seems so long and yet I am determined to at least try and enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. I'm starting to need to pee a lot. At night I have very strange and vivid dreams. Those are about my only symptoms. I expect some nauseau to set in towards the end of next week.

Saturday, February 04, 2006


J left Friday a week ago for a ski vacation with some friends. He worked a 5 day trip before leaving, so it's been quite a while since we've seen him. I've been very proud of myself: all week I have not once asked him when he plans to come home. Nor have I given him a hard time about all the bills for ski rentals and lift tickets. I didn't even berate him for dropping $150 on a radio controlled helicopter like his friend P in Utah has. I've been so good. So this was our conversation last night:

Me: So when do you think you might come home?

Him: Well, M and G leave tomorrow afternoon.

Me: Oh, that's good.

Him: But I thought I might spend another couple days with P since I didn't get to see him very much this week.

Me: [ dead silence ]

Him: Is that okay?

Me: Sure honey. Love you too. Bye. [ click ]

Hmmmm.... so he calls me this morning and says his flight will be in around 9:30 tonight. Guess he got the message.

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Midwife

Today I finally got to talk to the midwife I hoped to use, KM. Poor thing, she is on bedrest for mild pre-eclampsia; she's not due till 4/2 but she said it's not looking good that she'll be term. We had a good talk - she was very open and upfront with me. But I'm a little depressed now.

Basically, she's not coming back to the business anytime soon. She said in a year or two maybe. But that is way too late for me! She also told me that the midwives that delivered the Little Miss are no longer around. There is one other midwifery practice in Columbus (which is about a 45 minute drive for me) but she doesn't really recommend them.

So, my local options for a midwife are pinned on the one remaining at KM's practice: L. I have nothing against L, other than the fact that she's not KM. Her bedside manner is just different. KM assured me that she's a very competent midwife and KM was going to her up until the pre-eclampsia thing. I expressed concern that L would have a tough time being the sole midwife with 5 kids and a husband at home. She agreed but said that L is very committed to it. She will probably rotate call weekends with the backup doctors and KM told me that L will probably choose to do that only when certain docs are on call. The ones she names are the ones that I wouldn't have a problem going to.

Being delivered by a midwife is important to me for lots of reasons. After the Little Miss was born, it was agreed by everyone that an OB would most likely have done a C-section if for no other reason than that I was taking too long. But the midwife hung in there with me and I had a perfect vaginal delivery with no intervention and only a minor tear. I just don't think I would find that kind of patience in the OBs that are available to me. This is the one instance that I really hate where I live because there are just so few options available in terms of midwives.

So, I guess I have my decision made for me: I will take my chances on L. I plan to book an appointment with her soon and see how I feel about her in person. I'll try to go in with an open mind and clean slate. Wish me luck.

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Today when I started working out on the elliptical running machine I realized that I was already starting to feel slight cramping. So I backed off that and went to the bike. No cramps! Tonight I started feeling crampy while running around with the Little Miss. I guess my body is just telling me to take it easy. Strange, I don't remember that starting this early before!

I'm still waiting for the tiredness to set in. I have just the opposite at night now: insomnia. I was laying awake last night and I thought of a funny incident from my first pregnancy that I thought I'd share.

I was a good 6, maybe 7 months pregnant with the Little Miss and I started having tremendous backaches. I don't know how much weight I had gained at that point, but I just chalked it up to the extra weight. I tried everything to alleviate it. One morning I went to work and my coworker/cube-mate said how terrible I looked. I told her that I just couldn't sleep lately because my back would be hurting so bad at night. Although, it was weird: it felt best first thing in the morning and by evening I'd be in bad pain. I told her how I'd tried everything from different beds to sleeping in the chair and I was coming to the conclusion that it wasn't the bed. She looked at me a little quizzically, then asked me exactly where I was hurting. I pointed to the spots. I have never heard someone laugh that long, that loud. She literally had tears coming out of her eyes. It was a good 5 minutes before she could even talk. When she finally could say something, this is what she said: "you don't need a new bed, you need a BRA".

Yes, I confess, I had not worn a bra at that point since early college. When I figured out that only the well-endowed girls actually needed to wear the hated contraption. I have never liked anything around my chest and I always felt like I needed to pull it down. I had even gone and gotten one custom fitted. Hated it. So it never, ever occurred to little ole flat-chested me that I might actually have something to be held up by one of those things.

I went that evening and bought one and have been pain-free ever since.

I think that story came back to me because I am already starting to feel the same twinges of back pain and I suspect I will have to pull it out even earlier in this pregnancy. What a pain in the *ss. Or should I say bust.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


The roller coaster is back up today as I woke up with no cramping. After working out today I started feeling a little bit crampy. I'm doing a very low level workout - nothing like what I used to do. But I'm thinking at this stage it might be a bit much. So tomorrow I will tone it down a bit and see what happens. This afternoon I've just been working on some computer projects. Monday and Tuesday I laid down for a bit of a nap but both of those nights I didn't sleep well. Guess I can't justify afternoon naps just yet!