Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Welcome to the roller coaster

I did pretty good yesterday. I was feeling confident. Then this afternoon I started feeling some odd twinges and light cramping. So light that I probably wouldn't even notice it if I weren't dwelling on it. My mind says that it's just my uterus starting to expand. My heart says I am going to lose another baby. Seems there is no middle ground for me to just hold on and see what happens. It sucks, sucks, sucks that I can't just enjoy this pregnancy. I thought once I got pregnant that I would get off the roller coaster ride of ovulation and periods. Turns out I got on the far steeper roller coaster of daily TP checks and interpreting "twinges" and "cramps". Part of me just wants to go to sleep for the next 8 months and wake up to a healthy baby.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Still Here!

Well, I'm happy to report passing a full day with NO RED! The cramps have subsided but no real symptoms have set in yet. One day at a time.

I told J last night and he is happy in his own way. He's a very introspective person and just doesn't say much. But I know he's happy. He said that it was no surprise, that he expected it. I guess he's just got that "guy" complex that he finally got his act together and made things happen so of course it worked. I'm letting him believe whatever makes him happy for now.

I went to church and prayed last night. I think I've come a long way spiritually since I started this blog. But it's hard for me right now to not feel like some petulant child who's finally gotten her way and decides she'll talk to God now.

The thing I am dreading now is when I start to pee like crazy. Going to the bathroom requires so much emotional preparation for The Toilet Paper Inspection (TPI?!!!). It's exhausting in and of itself.

I told my SIL the news last night because she is the one who will manage my thyroid medicine. She gave me the semi-bad news that the midwife I had hoped to use is pregnant. So I will give her a ring tomorrow and she if she'll be back in practice by September or October. There is only one other midwife in the practice. I don't like her as well as the other one but I would go to her. I just can't imagine that she would continue in the practice by herself, seeing as she has 5 kids at home. There's only one OB office here in town and, although I would really like to deliver at the small hospital here (for convenience if nothing else), I would have to find out the policy of who actually delivers you - if it's just the person on call or the OB that you go to. There are 4 male doctors all somewhat older and then there's the female doc that I went to a couple weeks ago. I wouldn't mind having her deliver me but I wouldn't want any of the men. My third option is to go back to the midwives who delivered the Little Miss, although that would involve a 30 minute drive for appointments and an hour to the hospital. I'm not real wild about any of my options at this point, so it's a good thing I'm taking it one day at a time!!!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Details

I'm still not really able to believe it. I'm still feeling somewhat crampy which is starting to concern me so I am trying to take it easy today. Also still watching for any red on the TP. That alone is full time job right now!

The early part of this pregnancy is going to be fraught with so many anniversaries. The timeline will be almost exactly a year to the day of the pregnancy that I lost. It was this time last year that I started 4 or 5 days of heavy bleeding and, thinking I couldn't be pregnant, started doing all the "bad" things: I took lots of Advil for the cramps, I drank, and I even sat in the hot tub. We were on the annual ski vacation then and that's one reason why I didn't want to go this year - too many memories.

Laying in bed this morning I tried my best to look ahead over the pregnancy and the child it might possibly result in. I just couldn't. All I could think of was that I have to get through today with no spotting and then I can think about getting through tomorrow. I'm trying to give myself permission to take it just one day at a time and not dwell too much on possible outcomes.

I am such a bad wife: I haven't even told J yet! He is, of course, out skiing with his buddies. I'll tell him as soon as he calls to check in. After him, I plan to call my very best friend and tell her. Then I have to call my SIL since she usually manages my thyroid and I want her to check my levels as soon as possible. I've decided not to go back to the OB since I ultimately want a midwife to deliver me. Not that I'm thinking that far ahead yet....! I'll probably wait a while before scheduling with the midwife. I've been on prenatals for a year now and the only thing that absolutely needs checking is my thyroid which she can't do anyway. I'm sure I will tell a few other people before long. I'm terrible at keeping a secret, especially such exciting news at this. I decided months ago that if I did get pregnant again, I would right away tell the people who most helped me through my loss. If I have to go through another loss I want them by my side again.

I'm about to go lay down on the couch now and see if I can take it all in.

This picture is worth a million words

Image hosting by Photobucket

Friday, January 27, 2006

Still More!

I can't believe I've posted so much today! But I don't really have anyone to talk to who would understand what I'm going through right now so it's easier to just write it out. It's probably a good thing that J left early this morning for a week long ski vacation - that way he's not around to tell me not to obsess.

I'm having pretty constant cramping this evening but I don't rule anything out based on that because (after reviewing my old charts) I had the same thing with the Little Miss right before AF was due. Tonight after supper I got a little nauseous and that lasted several hours. Here's the really weird thing and this is probably way TMI but here goes.... The last 3 or 4 times I've peed tonight it has smelled weird, almost like coffee. Yes, coffee. Now, if I drink a cup of coffee, I will have coffee-smelling urine a time or two. But I haven't had any coffee for several weeks.

So, those are all my symptoms. It's now time to stop obsessing for the night and go to bed so I can lie awake and count the hours until I can take another test. By god, there sure as hell better be two lines on that damn thing.

Cross Eyes

Today has been creeping by. I keep coming back to my desk to stare at this little test. Is it a pink line with all the good news that would entail? Or is a grey evap line sent to mock me? It's still there this afternoon, mocking me or whatever it's doing.

I had to get up in the middle of the night last night to pee. Haven't done that in ages. This afternoon I couldn't keep my eyes open so I took a nap. How many more signs can I get this early?

So I guess I'll keep staring for a while till I can take another test tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be taken up with The Red Watch since AF is due. If tomorrow's test is inconclusive and AF does not show, I'll get a digital test for Sunday morning.

Tests and Such

I took another test this morning. I *think* it *may* be a positive but I'm really not totally convinced it's not an evap line. I tried scanning it but you can't see the faint pink line on the scan. I tried an internet cheapie but got nothing on it. I am so tempted to go get a digital test but I can't find anywhere on the net where it says what hcg level those things measure. I suspect it's not as low as the dollar store (I think theirs is 25mlu) but I can't find the info. I really don't want to spend the money on them if they don't measure low enough. At any rate, tomorrow AF is due so I guess I will just have to wait and see how tomorrow's test turns out. I've decided that if, by some miracle, the doc calls today to discuss my other bloodwork, I will ask her for a stat blood test at the lab today. But if she doesn't call, I'll just wait it out.

I hate waiting.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


I have to admit I'm beginning to get a little depressed about this cycle. I've been letting myself get my hopes up. I was hoping that just the act of going to the doctor because I couldn't conceive would be enough to make me conceive - kind of like the funny noise that the mechanic never hears. I was hoping that the fountain that has become my nose was a good pregnancy sign. I was hoping that the acne that I had like I was 13 was a good pregnancy sign. I suppose the signs could still add up. But I had another negative test today. Probably like a good gluton for punishment that I am, I'll test again tomorrow. I should start AF on Saturday. Probably won't keep me from testing again then.

Lookin' For Lines

So I got up early, early this morning and peed on another stick. I was tired and it was cold, so I only waited around a couple of minutes. No pink line this time in that time frame. When I finally got up several hours later, there was the faintest of pink lines. So I still don't know what's up. I'm thinking of going to buy some of those digital tests and eliminate all this guesswork.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Damn Tests

This morning I took a dollar tree test. I swear if you turned it just right to the light and looked hard enough, you could see the faintest of pink lines. I even took it out of the cartridge to see it better. So then I pulled out one of my internet cheapies and on that one got nothing. So I'm doomed to another 24 hours of wondering. Fortunately I have a day "off" today meaning that J is watching the Little Miss so that I can get out and go shopping. The weather is crap but there's a scrapbook store calling my name. Stay tuned for more testing tomorrow.

Monday, January 23, 2006


I went for my 7DPO progesterone test today. 1 day late, but hopefully close enough. I still haven't heard from the doc about my bloodwork last week or the sperm analysis. I sometimes wonder if these docs have any appreciation for the fact that people are sitting around waiting to hear these results. On the other hand, maybe no news is good news and she's just waiting to see me at the HSG (still to be scheduled).

J gets home late tomorrow night and starts a stint of 18 days off. This must be some kind of record. This includes a week of vacation and then he managed to bid for schedules on either side of it to get a really nice vacation. Of course, as fate would have it, he'll leave a few days before I should ovulate next cycle. So I'm thinking of a romantic overnight in Detroit around Valentine's Day. Should be exciting. J is going to go skiing for a week with some friends in Utah next week. The good thing is that I should be able to schedule the HSG while he is home which just makes things that much easier.

Back to waiting for a phone call....

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Movies and Such

The other night J wanted to watch a movie so he sent me to the video store after supper. His choice of movies has long been a joke in our household. He will invariably go for the movie of which there is only one on the shelf. I mean, as in one jacket, not just one available. My general rule is that there must be at least 3 jackets on the shelf for me to consider it. That's not always true, granted, but it's a good rule of thumb. And we know pilots must live by good rules of thumb.

Anyway, I guess we're watching too many movies as we had seen most of the available choices. I finally settled on The Constant Gardener. I thought it would be good for some drama and action, plus it is based on a novel by John le Carré who I know J likes.

Unfortunately, it was not the action/drama I was hoping for. It turned out to be a rather deep and probing look at the health crisis in Africa. Having myself lived in a third world country nearby, many of the scenes were familiar to me. J wasn't quite as prepared and didn't really like the movie. It didn't help that Rachel Weisz flaunted a very pregnant body for seemingly half the movie and in the end lost the child at term. On the whole, this was probably not a movie I'd really recommend to anyone.

In other news, I seem to be finally getting over my sinus thing. I have very high hopes of being able to actually lie prone in my bed tonight and sleep without the influence of benadryl. I get to go for my 7DPO progesterone test on Monday. Should really be on Sunday but the place I go is not open then.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Stocked up and ready

I was able to stop by Dollar Tree on the way home from the airport tonight so I am all stocked up now with 5 HPTs! I plan to start testing Tuesday. I figured I'd make up for not testing but twice last month. I'm also overly eager to know whether I'm suffering all this head congestion in vain.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Analyze This

Today we did the dreaded Sperm Analysis. All I can say is that that was about the most humiliating thing we've ever done. Giving birth was less humiliating. Next time I'm locking him in the bathroom with the cup. If there is a next time. J mainly didn't want to do the whole test because he's secretly afraid that it will point the finger at him. While I know that 40% of fertility problems are male, I really don't think it's him because we've conceived twice now and it hasn't really been that long. He does have age as a factor: he'll be 46 in April. But I guess we'll wait and see. I'm hoping to hear from Dr. S tomorrow with those results and my initial bloodwork results.

And of course it's the time in the cycle when we can start to obsess about possible "symptoms". I tell myself not to do it, but if you're reading this, you probably know that's easier said than done. So, first off, there's this sinus thing that won't go away. I've slept sitting in a chair 4 nights in a row now. If I am carrying a child, I'm labeling it my problem child already. Then there's the mood swings. I'm not normally prone to those but today I went through a period of intense depression where I actually threw a temper tantrum that rivaled G any day of the week (I think I've figured out where she learned to throw things when she's angry). A couple hours later I was smiling and happy.

I guess I'll test next Saturday. I think I only have one or two internet cheapie tests left. I'm debating whether I should plan a trip to Dollar Tree to stock up or just try not testing.

Yeah right.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Sicker Than Crap

I've survived 2 nites of "sleeping" in the chair in an upright position. I've got the sinus stuff going on. If I so much as think about lying down my whole head and both my ears stop completely up. I have not yet figured out how to put the Little Miss into a comatose state whilst I recover from this. To compound matters, there is very little I can take. Benadryl was on the approved list but didn't help at all. Robitussin helped my cough and Tylenol helps the fever. How I long for a couple of Nyquil and a large glass of wine. Only 9 days until I can test.

I called yesterday to try and schedule my HSG but I guess she didn't trust my knowledge of my cycles enough. She said to call back on the first day of my period and we'll schedule it then. Which is a good thing as J will have his February schedule by then.

I can't believe I just remembered this: today is the approximate day that we conceived the baby I lost. I thought it would be a hard anniversary but I guess I can thank being sick for not really remembering it.

Monday, January 16, 2006

OB Appointment

Finally, I survived until my OB appointment. Getting there was less than a smooth way. The Little Miss and I showed up at my friend JE's house to drop her off but there was noone there but the dogs. After several frantic phone calls, JE finally answered and admitted to having forgotten. Note to self: next time do just 12 hours notice rather than 48. Maybe even 6 hours notice. Anyway, my SIL lives next door and I happily caught her on her way to the running trail and she agreed to take the Little Miss while I was gone.

When I finally got in to the office, I went through all the normal stuff with the nurse. She said the doc could come in before I got undressed (I had to do my annual pap smear - the "purpose" of my visit). I said that would be great; what a relief not to have to discuss all this naked.

So in comes Dr. S. Pretty young - just finished her residency 2 years ago I think. Very nice. I briefed her on why I was really there and she jumped right in to things. I'll summarize.

We're going to start with some basic bloodwork for my thyroid levels and also my prolactin levels. I haven't heard much about prolactin abnormalities but from a brief search, it appears common to test for this as a first defense in infertility treatment. It also appears to be related to thyroid disease. If anyone can shed any more light on this, I'd love to hear from you.

The next step will be an HSG. Assuming I'm not pregnant this time around, it'll probably be scheduled the first week in February. She did mention Asherman's Syndrom related to my D&C in March, but she says that's not common and usually manifests itself in repeated miscarriages rather than the inability to get pregnant. But it's something to look for.

If all those tests are nominal, the next thing to consider will be Clomid. I must confess I'm rather afraid to go that route. I just can't imagine having twins. What I told her is that I'd like to try a cycle or two after the HSG since it seems that fertility is boosted for a while after the procedure before going on Clomid and she agreed that was an entirely reasonable course of action.

Of course, J will have to do the dreaded semen analysis. I already warned him that it will probably be required and his first reaction was "no way". Hopefully he was just kidding and I'm pretty sure he is since he knows how much this means to me. So, I'll probably corral him for that when he gets home Wednesday or Thursday.

I also talked to Dr. S about the progesterone testing. Her view is that if progesterone is low, it's usually an indication of weak ovulation which she didn't think was my problem. She said her treatment for it is Clomid which boosts progesterone levels by default. She said it was no problem to do the CD21 progesterone test but she doesn't treat with supplements. That's the only part of the visit that I didn't feel 100% about from everything I've read. On the other hand, there are widely varying opinions about the issue. So, I'll get it tested next week and go from there I guess.

At the very beginning of our conversation she started out by saying "What I'm going to have you do for the next 2 months is go ahead and chart your temperatures and intercourse timing and we can go from there on a treatment protocol." I tell you - I was never so glad that I had printed out the last 6 months of my FF charts, most of which had my temps. I think I surprised her by having that with me. I think it also told her that I was a more informed patient than average. I also probably bought myself 2 months of wasted time.

I gave her my chart printouts and she said she'd review them while I was undressing to make sure we were timing things right. So I'm sitting there half naked on the table and all of sudden from nowhere comes this thought: Oh my god, what if I misread the whole timing thing on FF and Taking Charge of Your Fertility and we have been totally off on our timing and there's no way I could have gotten pregnant the last 7 months and she's going to come back in here laughing her head off and have to explain the birds and the bees to me. Truly, I contemplated this for a good 5 minutes. I'm happy to report that Dr. S did come back in smiling and said that our timing was perfect in the majority of my cycles.

I must confess, I almost feel a sense of letdown and I really can't figure out why. Everything is going forward as I envisioned it. And there's always the possibility that none of it will be necessary. I'm so terrible at waiting.

NBC 4 - News - Sprint Refuses To Reveal Location Of Cell Phone In Carjacked SUV

Well, I have to have somethingto do while I sit here and count down the minutes to my OB appointment. So of course I am wasting time uselessly surfing the net. That and listening to the Little Miss in her crib discussing with Elmo who gets to hold the binky. But that's a story for another day.

I came across this story: NBC 4 - News - Sprint Refuses To Reveal Location Of Cell Phone In Carjacked SUV. Basically, Dad straps the 10 month old into the carseat and then goes back inside for the toddler, at which time someone steals the car with baby inside. Now, one assumes that he either left the car running or left the keys in it. In California. I don't know. My first reading of it, I was shocked that Sprint would not immediately hand over this information to such obviously distressed parents. But on second thought....

The thing that stands out to me is that the Sprint representative on the other end of the phone had no way of knowing exactly who these people were that he was talking to. How easy would it be for me to fane distess, get someone else to pose as a police office, and then call up Sprint to have them locate some guy I've been crazily stalking the last 2 months by telling them that he has my phone and my child?

I usually don't have much sympathy for people who do seemingly stupid things. But in this case, I think I have to side with the poor Sprint guy on the other end who had to make a judgement call. I can imagine if I had been in his/her position, I'd be sleeping a little less soundly these days, thinking what might have happened to the child in the car because I made a bad judgement. But on the other hand, what if it was some crazy going to kill someone else.

Technology has such a wealth of good uses. But for everyone who wants to do something good with it, there is probably someone else who wants to do something very bad with it.

Sunday, January 15, 2006


It's nice to be right occasionally. I expected that yesterday's OPK was my peak and I was right. So I'm fairly certain that I ovulated either yesterday or today. Just need a couple days of temps to confirm that. I wish FF would "estimate" probable ovulation without the 3 days of temps so that I could obsess a few days longer. Our timing was great this cycle but then again, it's been great most cycles. I'm hoping that my first test with the OB can be the 7 DPO progesterone test. Can't wait to meet with her tomorrow.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Here We Go Again

It's amazing to me what the human spirit is capable of; even my own. At the start of almost every cycle since the miscarriage I have been gripped by depression and the conviction that another pregnancy is never going to happen. By the time ovulation rolls around again, I have bounced back on the opposite high, convinced that this is going to be my cycle.

Here we go again. Last month I ovulated on CD20. Every cycle since the miscarriage has gotten longer and longer. Which I figured was probably a good thing since I ovulated on CD24 when I conceived the Little Miss and my cycles have always been long and irregular. So I figured I would ovulate even later this cycle. But I'm holding my breath now because I think I got a peak OPK today on CD17 and I've had what I'm pretty sure are ovulation pains this evening. Plus we've gotten plenty of work in the last few days and still have one more chance tomorrow before J heads off for another 4 dayer. See, I'm getting all optimistic again. Part of me thinks that just making the appointment with the OB is enough irony to get a BFP this month. We'll see. I'm not trusting my temps this time around since I've been somewhat sick with a sinus thing.

Care to join me on another 2 week roller coaster ride?!

Friday, January 13, 2006

I Was doing just fine thank you

We went to the eye doctor this morning for our annual checkup. J narrowly missed getting bifocals but he'll probably need them by next year.

I like our eye doctor. He's a nice young guy (30 is young these days, trust me). Not too long out of school so he's got the latest training. Seems competent. Pretty good "bedside" manner if you will. Well, okay, he could probably work on that last one.

I remember from last year that his wife was just about to have their second child; a boy after the girl. He was just beaming and you could tell he was so excited. Our conversations focused on kids since his daughter is just 6 months older than the Little Miss.

Can you tell where this is going?

J goes in first. Then I go in. His first question was "Well, I couldn't get it out of J. Are you guys working on any more kids? Don't you want to have a sibbling for G?".

Now, I've always been terrible at deflecting direct questions such as this. I can never think of anything to say other than the obvious truth. "Yeah, I desparately want another one but after one loss we don't seem to be having any luck".

I thought that would make him uncomfortable enough to change the subject but no luck. He then insisted on telling me how they lost 2 before their daughter and how women must feel it worse than men blah blah blah blah blah blah ad naseum. The worst was when he told me the key for him to getting over the losses.

You'll have more kids in heaven.

Please let me go to hell right now.

At that point I just very obviously changed the subject to politics (something I NEVER discuss but it seemed safer than the previous subject). I haven't allowed myself a good cry yet but I feel one coming on. But, not all is bad on this Friday the 13th and I took a little bit of heart to see that Lauralu's little z has a nice strong heartbeat. Sometimes things do go right.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

It's All Relative

The worst thing about the New Year for me is having to have The Conversation. It happens every year.

Me: "We need to talk about money stuff."
Him: "I'm not making enough money and we're poor"
Me: "Well, first off, we're NOT poor"
Him: Stomps off to the other room.

A few hours later....

Me: "Do you want to talk about the money now?"
Him: "Just tell me how much more I have to make"
Me: "Well, there are other options than just trying to make more money"
Him: "We're poor; what does it matter?"

Sometimes I think I should tape-record this conversation because it seems to me that it happens the exact same way about this time every year.

From the very beginning of our marriage, I have always managed the finances. J just doesn't like to be bothered with trivial details like when the light bill is due. In the early years, he took more of an interest in looking at the big picture. But these days he just shows up on Sunday to collect his allowance and that's really all he wants to do with it. Somehow I'm supposed to make magic behind the scenes and do miracles with his paycheck.

Anyway, I gave him the bad news that we only have 3 more years before our savings runs out and we'll have to consider other options. He keeps insisting that we're "poor" which really, truly angers me. I mean, we have a nice house (with a mortgage, granted), nice cars (no payments on any of them), an airplane (again, no financing there, just outrageous insurance), and we even have a spot of land on a mountain in Montana (that we're currently trying to sell to finance the savings a bit longer). We have no credit card debt. No debt beyond the mortgage. I think it is an insult to the vast majority of the population of the earth to say that we're "poor".

Glad I got that off my chest. I'm sure tonight we'll both be dreaming numbers. I don't think I'll tell him that I should ovulate any day now and maybe we can add another mouth to feed to the poor-house.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Who Am I?

I've had some encounters in the last week or so that have really made me start questioning who I am. Not in the sense of why I'm here (I gave up on that one a long time ago!), but more along the lines of what kind of person I am. I've been thinking back to the long distant past 20 something years ago and looking at what kind of person I was then. Comparing that to the kind of person I am now. I can't say that I'm entirely happy with the changes. But then I think, my gosh, it took my 20 years to get this way; do I have to wait another 20 years to be the kind of person I would rather be?

Somehow I think I could change myself faster than that. In fact, I know that I have changed a lot since the Little Miss came along. Having a Polly Parrot shadow you all day every day tends to do that I guess.

I don't really know where I'm going with the post. There's a lot going on upstairs right now and writing usually helps me work it out. I lay in bed most nights hashing it all over in my head. Not the best thing for reducing stress. I hope that things will get better once I see the OB and have some things in hand that I can actually DO. I never have been good at waiting.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Create an e-annoyance, go to jail | Perspectives | CNET News.com

Got this off of Estelle's blog. Seems that it is now a crime to be annoyed by my blog: Create an e-annoyance, go to jail. Simply because I am posting annonymously. Geesh, remind me again what country we live in?!

Sunday, January 08, 2006


I haven't blogged about our movie watching lately so I thought I would write a quick blurb on the latest 3 showings.

First up is the cult favorite Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I'll admit it: I've not read the book; not past the first few pages anyway. I just couldn't get into it. But the movie had me laughing out loud at least every 5 minutes. What I couldn't get over is that the book was written in 1979 and the symbolism and jokes are just as relevant and funny today, 25+ years later. My favorite character was the depressed robot Marvin. Let's just say that some days I can really identify. Anyway, the book was a cult classic and I'm sure the movie won't appeal to everyone but if you like computers you're sure to get a few laughs out of it.

The next one we watched was The Island. Not much to say about it except that it deals with the issues of human cloning in the not-so-distant future. Pretty predictable movie I thought.

The last one I hesitate to mention at all. Did you ever see the movie Memento? If you liked that one, you might possibly like The I Inside. Read the writeup on IMDB and you'll know as much about the movie as I do. It might have been an okay one if it had had a decent ending but, really, I was just left wondering, huh?? Definitely not on my recommended list.

I guess that listing of movies went from most to least recommended. I am seriously considering buying the Hitchhiker's Guide DVD and this is from a person whose DVD library consists 100% of Baby Einstein. But for me that movie ranks right up there with Office Space for a guaranteed laugh.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

I added a countdown ticker to the top of my page. My OB appointment is on the 16th and I am actually looking forward to it. I should ovulate sometime around there so I'm hoping that she will do a progesterone test later that week. I'm trying to read up on all the possible tests that they might do so I will know what to expect when. If anyone has any good sources, please point me to them.

This afternoon I'm doing my December scrapbook pages, waiting for the Little Miss to wake up from her nap. It's been decided that we are all going to Mass this evening. I get to enjoy the service and J gets to keep the Little Miss occupied and quiet in the back. I've really never understood why Catholic churches don't have nurseries. J says she's got to learn sometime how to sit still in church. I think not quite two is way to young to expect her to grasp that concept. But whatever.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


It doesn't take much to thrill me. A trip to Target's dollar bins usually does the trick. I picked J up from the airport this evening and we had dinner out at his favorite joint which buttered him up enough to agree to stop by Target "for diapers". The dollar bins were freshly filled with a bunch of Valentine's Day scrapbooking stuff. I got papers, stickers and punches. Oh, and we picked up diapers as well.

Tonight J is down in his basement office enjoying his new toy. I got him a 21" widescreen monitor for an Epiphany gift (having been raised in Italy, he prefers to celebrate that over Christmas although we end up doing gifts for both holidays usually). A few weeks ago we were window shopping and he saw this 21" HP monitor. When he picked his chin up from the floor and stopped drooling, I knew I had to get it for him. I am intensly jealous, sitting here with my piddling 17" square monitor.

Speaking of gadgets and such, does anyone have any good recommendations for a point and shoot digital camera? I have gone through about 3 Sony's and have not been 100% happy with any of them except for the video capabilities. My current one, an S90, drives me nuts because it needs about 5 seconds between shots. I have lost so many good shots.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


There was a slew of new people at the Y today. I suppose they'll be around for a couple of weeks, then they'll disappear. News Years Resolutions - gotta love them.

I came across this article while surfing tonight: a new take on resolutions.

Basically the author advocates having two types of resolutions:
  1. First are the "New Moon" resolutions. This is anything you resolve to do from one new moon to the other, so basically a month. You can theoretically form a habit in 21 days.
  2. Second are the year-long resolutions. The author says these must be fun and exciting in order to make up for all the other practical resolutions you'll make all year long. Each year I resolve to do one wonderful thing for myself each week.
I really like this take on resolutions. It makes the hard stuff fit into a much tighter time frame than a whole year. And who doesn't need to do something special for themselves each week. As a busy mother, though, I'm thinking it might be easier to accomplish those new moon resolutions than making myself take some me-time every single week. I think I might have to work on that!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

When Ends Don't Meet

My annual New Year's Day activity is doing my financial forecasting for the new year. I was almost an accounting major in college, so I actually find it rather fun to push around numbers. It's getting less and less fun though. Long before we decided to have kids, I started stashing away money. I did not want to be in a situation here I had to work after having a baby. And I'll tell you, quitting my job was the best thing I ever did for myself! We've been really fortunate financially and have been able to do a lot of things like buy a house and fix it up. But reality is starting to set in. On our present course, we'll run into dry land in just 3 years. Which wouldn't be so frightening to me if I had already had #2 according to plan. Now I'm faced with the possibility of having an only child for purely financial reasons.

There are, of course, areas where we could cut. But they are nickel and dime type things that might buy us a few months, but not years. There is, however, one large line item in our budget and that deals with J's airplane. Now, this is sacred ground. I have never even ventured to ask him to get rid of it although it's becoming more and more obvious that we can't really afford it. Years ago, we knew a couple that sold their airplane to pay for IVF (they now have beautiful twins). I remember J's reaction; it wasn't quite positive....

This doesn't really start the new year out on the best of notes. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately!) J is out on a 5 day trip and won't be back till Friday. So I have until then to either A. rob a bank or B. rehearse our conversation in my mind 50,000 times and figure out a way to put it so that it's his idea to sell the plane.

I'm thinking option A is looking pretty good right now.