In February 2004 I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl. In January 2005 I got pregnant again. On March 16, 2005 we had an ultrasound but there was no heartbeat. Two days later I had a D&C.
I've passed the mileston of my due date. I've passed the milestone of "trying" again for 6 months.
More and more these days I find myself unable to contain my anger over all this. It seeps out at my daughter (is that nuts or what?!), my husband, family, friends. Even complete strangers get the brunt of my anger. Recently I decided that I was agnostic as God doesn't seem interested at all in me.
So that's where I am in my life at this moment. I decided I needed a place to channel all the negative energy and pick up some positive vibes. Back in the day, I would do this through writing, so I decided a blog might help. Here's to hope!
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2 comments:
Hi Kaye. I hope that blogging will help save your sanity as it did mine (so far).
If you haven't already please read Our God is a Vindictive God. Even though I didn't dignify the final poster with a reply, I think you will see yourself in it in many ways. Hang in there.
Thanks Lorem! I've been an ardent follower of your blog since I found it on FF back in March when I had my first m/c. If I took the time to write out what I'm feeling about God right now, it would come pretty close to your post. -sigh- so many issues, so little time for therapy :-)
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