ARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!

When we decided to have our first child, I worked with a lady, E, with whom I was very good friends. We neither of us had a lot to do at work so we would spend a lot of time chatting. So naturally, I told her we were trying. And she was one of the first people I told when I found out I was pregnant that first time. 6 weeks later, she turned up pregnant. I was happy for her and it was great to have someone to share symptoms and stories with.

After my first miscarriage, we talked and she said she wanted to wait until her son was at least 3 to get pregnant again. We haven't really talked about it since then.

You know where this is going, don't you? She emails me today to say that she isn't having a formal birthday party for her son because she is 8 weeks pregnant. I suppose it was nice of her not to tell me that when she was here for G's party and I was having my second m/c (which she knew).

I have so many conflicting emotions. On the one hand I'm happy for her because, of course, I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone. On the other hand, I almost wish she hadn't told me about it at all. I just don't want to deal with it right now. I don't want to deal with someone else being happy when it should be me. There; I've said it: in all its childish glory.

This email came on the heals of going to the dentist this morning. The staff all knows us there and they knew I was pregnant because the dentist wanted to do some fillings so I had to ask him about the effect on pregnancy. I decided to go in today and get it over with and of course everyone had to come by with congratulations. I should have worn a big sign: NOT PREGNANT. My dentist and his wife endured 10 years of infertility treatments before finally adopting. You'd think he'd be one to know what to say. But no; I had to endure the story about another patient who had 4 miscarriages and finally had beautiful healthly child. He says that those m/c were for a reason and she's happy with what she got. I'll leave analysis of that for another day.

Then of course I had to go for my weekly bloodwork. And of course I'm still bleeding.

The good side to this day is that J took G for the day and I got to run all my errands this morning. Part of that included a trip to the Whole Foods store. I could spend hours in their produce section. Today I limited myself to half and hour there and half an hour on the bulk aisle. Stocked up on lots of beans and grains. Another stop was by Target to buy a wok. I'm serious about eating healthier! I say as I sit here and munch a cookie....

Today was definitely a "ducky" day and tonight definitely calls for that second glass of wine.