Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Random Thoughts

Last week I got an email from a good friend of mine who went through the whole course of fertility treatments years ago and never got a child to show for it. She mentioned that she would have liked to have adopted but that her hubby wouldn't go for it so they never did. She then said that I should consider it.

My first reaction was uh-uh, no way. Even giving momentary consideration to that idea was, in my mind, akin to giving up. One of the women on my blog list recently gave up on the whole fertility game and is now looking to adopt. When I read that I felt so sorry for her because, well, I mean, she lost the game, right? No child of her own.

I told my friend as much and she wrote back to say that I should still consider it. I admire her persaverance.

And for some reason, this issue has been on my mind a lot in recent days. I haven't talked to anyone about it and I'm not sure why I'm writing it here except maybe for posterity.

I've been giving consideration to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, perhaps, in some small way, adopting is not entirely "giving up". Maybe it's just a different path to the same goal: not wanting G to grow up an only child.

So there, I've said it: I am, in the remotest corner of my heart, beginning to give some small consideration to the possibility of adopting a child. Someday.

I'd be curious to hear from you: What do you think about adoption. Is it "giving up"? Is it "settling" for something sub-standard because you can't have a biological child? Can you love an adopted child as much as a biological one? Would the adopted child suffer because G is "my" child and the adopted one isn't? Would G suffer because I would try to "make up" for the adopted one by giving him/her more attention? I have so many questions and I have not yet even begun to work them out. As I said, this is only preliminary but I would love to hear any thoughts you have to share.

1 comment:

Trista said...

well, I think that it is possible to love a child not of your body as much as you love a child of your body, if you're open and not resentful. If that child is a constant reminder that you failed, then I think it would be hard.

I love Julia so much I cannot express it. There is no doubt in my mind that if/when a child comes through my body I will live that child with as much passion and dedication as I love Julia ie with everything in my soul. And that I will not love Julia one iota less than the new one.

So, if your journey takes you to the point where you would adopt, I do think you could love that child as if it were your genetic material. As if you had carried it in your body. Love is so boundless.