30w2d Still Irritable

Last night was a killer in terms of sleep. As in, I didn't get any. I think it was the lingering effects of the terb. I wasn't even tired really. I guess that shouldn't be surprising considering all I did all day was sit on my bum. I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday was all just in my imagination and that I was going to be all better today. But it didn't take too long for the cramping to come back and my back aches much worse today. My friend JE called me - she is a nurse in the L&D at the local hospital - to check up on me. I told her my status and she insisted I call the midwife to check in. Unfortunately Wednesday is her day off so I felt terrible having her paged but I knew I should do it. She called right back and we talked. She still doesn't have the results in from the vaginal cultures - she said she's really thinking that's going to show up something that we can treat. In the meantime she called me in a prescription for a pill form of the terbutaline that I can do at home and isn't as strong as the shot so hopefully will be minimal in the side effects department. I'll go pick that up as soon as G gets up from her nap and hopefully it will give me some relief. She said I can go in at any time to get monitored to make sure I'm not having real contractions but she's comfortable with me not doing that if I don't want to. She doesn't really think I'm in pre-term labor right now but there's always the nagging fear that the irritable uterus will lead to that.

I will admit that part of my insomnia last night was caused by my whirlwind of thoughts as I tried to figure out how the hell I would handle bedrest with my daughter and a husband who is gone for days as a time. I know there are people in my life that I can ask to help me out and I know they would willingly pitch in. But I am such a terrible, terrible person at asking for help and I carry a tremendous load of guilt around for feeling like I'm bothering anyone. I know I shouldn't but I do; I'm just programmed that way!

So for now I'm just sitting her feeling moderately uncomfortable from the cramping and the backache. I can think of a dozen things I really need to do around my house but for now I'm limiting myself to writing them down on a list and I will try not to do any of them until we get some sort of answer as to what's causing my irritability. Hopefully I won't run out of underwear before then.