25w5d: Countdown is on

As of tomorrow, I will have 99 days to go. We're down to double digits. Reminds me of that song we used to sing on the bus on the way to track meets - "99 bottles of be.er on the wall". I feel compelled to confess that I still check the toilet paper every single time I wipe. I still find myself starting to worry if I can't seem to feel any movement at a certain moment.

I wrote a few weeks ago that my goal before the baby comes was to go through every room of my house and clean and declutter. I'm happy to report that I have accomplished that goal except for the nursery. Yup, I've decluttered every inch of this house and I can't tell you how good it feels. J and I have made numerous trips to drop off stuff at Goodwill. I also got rid of at least a half dozen bags of trash. I could probably stand to get rid of a few more of G's toys but I think I'll wait a while to make another pass at them.

Today I went into the nursery and decided to start tackling the diapers. I stood at the door for a few minutes and debated about whether I should really start the project now or wait. Because in the back of my mind is always that question about how I'm going to handle the situation if I lose the baby. What would make it easier. Would it be harder to handle with a nursery all ready to go? Or would it be harder to have to sort through all that stuff with no baby to show for it?

It makes me angry sometimes that infertility still hangs around to haunt me even though it's supposedly been conquered. I wish I could just relax and totally enjoy this pregnancy the way I did my first one. I wish that I had passed some milestone at which I miraculously relaxed.

I feel a lot of movement these days but the movement I notice most is when the baby has the hiccups. I remember with G that she seemed to have the hiccups after every single meal I ate. Everyone was skeptical that eating could cause the baby to get the hiccups but it happened time and time again. I haven't noticed that pattern with this one - the hiccups are more random but she seems to get them several times a day. Right now she is in a position (I think her head is actually down at this point) where I feel a slight pressure on my cervix with every hiccup and sometimes I feel a little foot kicking my lungs. It's kinda cute but at the same time annoying: I hate having the hiccups and sometimes I find myself holding my breath to see if she'll stop!

By the way, I did decide to go ahead and start working on the nursery. It was rather fun to get out the tiniest little cloth diapers that fit size 4 to 10 pounds. G outgrew that size within a matter of weeks (she weighed just over 7# at birth) so they all look very new and pristine. They are now organized in baskets waiting for a new little butt to cover!