Sunday, May 20, 2007

Surviving Single-Parenthood

I'm on my third day of four days of single parenthood. I can't say that I've done very well. No shower. I think I brushed my teeth once or twice. If I can't do it with a baby in one arm, it just doesn't get done. Not to mention that I've experienced every symptom of post-partum depression in one form or another. No, things have not been going well. My newborn seems to get more high-maintenance every day. This morning, though, we had a sort of a breakthrough.

A little background first... Before G was born I read all the books and did all the research and decided that we would go the co-sleeping, baby-wearing route. About 3 days into the parenthood thing, the co-sleeping thing went out the door. I quickly figured out it just wasn't for us. We moved her into the crib in her own room and she has been a great sleeper ever since. More and more, though, I am realizing what a different baby Katherine is and this morning I brought her to bed with me. We both slept a solid 3 hours and I woke up feeling like a different person. I can't decide now what I want to do. I am tempted to bring her to bed tonight, if for no other reason than to get a good night's sleep and try and get out of this deep, dark, black funk that I'm in. On the other hand, my general motto with kids is to start as you intend to finish. In other words, I have this real fear that if I let Katherine in my bed at this point, she'll still be there when she's 20. I know it's an irrational fear but since when are depressed people rational?

I did a fair amount of carrying G around in the Baby Bjorn when she was small. I am definitely doing it more with Katherine. She just does not like to be put down.

On that note, someone just woke up and wants feeding.


CM said...

I think all kids are different, and for your own sanity you have to do what works best for each child.

Cordy hated co-sleeping, and still will not sleep at night if there is someone else in the same room. But she loved to be held. I'm sure we'll do whatever works for this one as well.

Hang in there!

Josefina said...

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time!!!!
I hope you can soon work things out, at least J's getting home soon!!

BBC said...

Hang in there K. I know exactly where you are coming from.

As for the what you need to do to take care of yourself and get some sleep. Katherine is too young for you to be starting bad habits. At this age babies are malleable. You will be able to transition her to her own bed at some point. (I have read that at 3-4 months babies are more aware of their surroundings.)

I also worried about having Skylar in our room but she transitioned to her own room and crib with no problem.

Remember, a well rested and happy mother is a better mother. Forget the shoulds and focus on getting through each day. That is your only job right now. The future will work itself out.